Facebook partner

Step 4: Find out if your partner is cheating on Facebook. Since you have finished the installation, it’s time to visit your account via a separate device. Once you have completed the sett-up, the wizard directs you to the dashboard. It’s similar to what you saw in the demo view; I serve as a Facebook marketing advisor and strategist, working with partner ad agencies to provide consultation and best practices for Facebook's suite of advertising solutions across Facebook ... Context. Facebook wanted to roll out a new, strategic design vision for their Global Partner Centers in key locations around the world. The design would have to provide important guests with unique, customized experiences that inspire them with Facebook’s audacious vision for the future. Many people can't even recognize all of their own Facebook friends, let alone their partner's. We all may have coworkers, friends of friends, and random people from our middle-school debate team ... JPSM, Facebook Partner to Gather Global COVID-19 Symptom Data The social networking site started rolling out the survey Wednesday night; it’s expected to reach users in every country where the social media giant can be accessed by the end of the week. Facebook has had similar integration partnerships over the years with Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, Yahoo and other companies, which were overseen by our partnerships and product teams. These partners built many kinds of integrations, including mobile versions of Facebook and social feed hubs, which aggregated feeds from Facebook and other companies. The directorate said after Facebook appointed Httpool as its authorized sales partner in Bangladesh in June, it collected Tk6.22 crore from 31 advertisers in bills for posting advertisements on Facebook and the firm deducted Tk93.32 lakh in VAT at 15% rate. It’s familiar like Facebook, but it’s for work. Workplace leads to a: % reduction in leadership communication costs % ... Partner with us to access our toolkit of add-on apps to help with things like employee recognition, shift management, and payroll, or work with us to create something just for your organisation. ... Facebook, Microsoft partner with WHO for coronavirus hackathon Published Tue, Mar 24 2020 9:54 PM EDT Updated Wed, Mar 25 2020 7:50 AM EDT Salvador Rodriguez @sal19 Facebook and Ogilvy partner to launch digital creative playbook that decodes how social creativity can transform brands, commerce and experiences Updated : August 14, 2020 06:17 PM IST . CNBC-TV18. share. With extended lockdowns shutting down the physical world, Indian brands are leveraging social creativity to build experiences and commerce. ...

Philippines - all about the Philippines

2008.07.04 14:24 Philippines - all about the Philippines

A subreddit for the Philippines and all things Filipino!
[link]


2012.01.23 20:39 stripe-brian Stripe

Stripe is a technology company that builds economic infrastructure for the internet. Businesses of every size—from new startups to public companies—use our software to accept payments and manage their businesses online. This is a community subreddit. If you're you're looking for help, reach out to Stripe at https://support.stripe.com/contact.
[link]


2013.06.27 22:45 nelsongreen Chinese Cooking

If you ever wanted to learn how to cook REAL Chinese food, this is the place to share the wisdom!
[link]


2020.09.18 08:34 harrymiller7829 7 Steps to Take Care Before Site Migration

7 Steps to Take Care Before Site Migration
https://preview.redd.it/ui8yk7scpun51.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=443b979886757a5f5a399f729a33ff44fdb8005b
Here is the seven steps that you must follow before site migration.
  1. Start Testing
The best you can do is run a little test on a subdirectory or subdomain to make sure all team members are on the same page. That way, if there is a chain of command failures or connection failures, it will only damage a small part of the site.
  1. Make sure the new site is better than the old one
If you are going through the process of moving content from an old website to a new one, make sure the new website is faster, cleaner, and generally more SEO friendly than the one you left behind. Otherwise, even if you do everything perfectly, you may end up underperforming. Don't do unnecessary work of yourself.
  1. Set up tracking before migrating a website
Before touching anything on your old site, make sure you have the metrics to track your migration progress before, during, and after. All you have to do is list the target domain as a competitor and create a dashboard that compares the rankings, indexed pages, backlinks, and organic search traffic to the previous domain.
  1. Create a complete 301 redirect map
This is the most important step in the migration process and I'll tell you why - you need to inform the search engines that you have moved your site to a new home and that they need explicit instructions to change the address. Otherwise, all the links you have earned over the years will disappear and all the profitable keyword rankings you have earned will disappear. Take all the URLs from your site; Set it to the appropriate URL on the new site as best you can. Each URL should be mapped to a new relevant URL during migration based on the content on those pages. Put that in a spreadsheet.
You will use this document to apply permanent 301 redirects to all old pages, directing users and search engine bots to the new and improved version of the page. Warning: Your technical team may want to try temporary 302 redirects as they are often easier to implement. Don't let them down! 302 redirects will tell search engines that you want to keep all rankings and links to old pages, and that you only want to send traffic to new pages for a short period. This is important during migration. The 301 redirects will ensure that all the keywords your old pages rank for will replace the old landing page with the new one. Setting the URLs this way also ensures that you won't leave pages out and show 404 "Not found" errors on them. At the end of the website migration, any previous page on the site should not be 404, 302, or 5XX. They should redirect all 301s to a specific URL at the new address. Otherwise, you will not keep your old arrangements and have to start from scratch on the new range.
  1. Start promoting your new website
The hard part about migrating a site is making the internet understand that you have moved. People have linked to your old site, bookmarked it, shared it on Facebook, and discussed it with their friends, but you have to get them to stop talking about the old URL and start talking about the new one. This is where the PR and social media team plays an important role before, during, and after migration. They need help spreading the word that their site will be moving soon. They should contact anyone who links to the site above and inform them that they may need to update their links. Don't get me wrong, when applying the 301 redirect, the links will still technically work, but it will lose some of its effect and cause some confusion for your visitors who use these links. The best relays we've seen started with a pre-launch roadshow. They created a "soon" style landing page on the new domain while working on technical issues in the background, and worked hard to promote the new site to the press, their business partners, and any other fans of the old content. . Doing so helped them retain as much power as possible and started building enthusiasm for relaying the site early on, so when they finally flipped the switch, it increased the ranking.
  1. No dilly in execution
You've run the test, you've set up your monitoring tools and dashboards, and your teams are up and running and you've been telling everyone for months how great your new site is. Now is the time to get the job done. The worst thing you can do is launch your new site slowly. We have seen in case studies that the ideal is to turn on the switch as quickly as possible and complete the migration in less than a day or two. Take more time and the search engines will start to get confused and start presenting a mixed batch of URLs in their index. Don't miss out on too much organic search traffic by slowing down. Move this site quickly and move it properly. This is what to do:
  1. Apply 301 redirects based on your mapping document.
  2. Update all rel = canonical tags on your sites that point to new URLs.
  3. Update all internal links on your sites to point to the new URLs.
  4. Contact anyone who still has links to the old URL (influencers at least) and ask them to update their links well.
  5. Update your XML sitemap and submit it to Google Search Console and Bing Webmaster Tools.
Do all of these things as fast as you can so search engines can quickly make adjustments and start indexing new URLs. Once you've completed all of these five steps, you should start to see your new site's landing pages replace the old landing pages in the SERP within a week or two, depending on how often search engines crawl your pages.
  1. Don't forget about quality control and performance monitoring.
The new site has been published and the website migration is complete, but you are not out of line yet. We've seen migrations go well, only for traffic to drop a month later because Google noticed some redirect loops in the internal link structure. Do not get surprised. Make sure to create criteria for indexed pages and monitor backlinks, keyword rankings, and organic search traffic coming to the old site for at least 6 months. Ideally, you should see all of these numbers gradually decrease to 0 at the old site and balance out with the height of the new site. Make sure to check all these internal links and 301 redirects and watch the console look for server errors or bad index pointers.
Migrate your site safely. Take help from one of the best eCommerce Development Services & migration company
submitted by harrymiller7829 to u/harrymiller7829 [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 08:09 harrymiller7829 7 eCommerce Tools to Create A Website, Development and Sell

7 eCommerce Tools to Create A Website, Development and Sell

https://preview.redd.it/rizh8rt5lun51.jpg?width=626&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=00796fc1c8dc8ef1a939a8b03c22abab81e26c02
From the creation of the sales platform to the marketing management , currently, there are tools for eCommerce Website Development that meet all the needs of the entrepreneur, without having to invest in the development of any system.
Knowing which tools for e-commerce can help you track sales, manage your inventory, organize delivery logistics and customer lures, is one of the ways to save time and money.
There are several categories of eCommerce tools, including tools for:
  • site management;
  • search;
  • sales management;
  • logistics;
  • marketing;
  • analyze.
Choosing the right tools to facilitate your daily life as an entrepreneur is one of the most important eCommerce tips for any manager.
They can help in steps you don't know or have mastered such as creating payment pages or managing logistics.
Therefore, below we have created a list of 7 tools for eCommerce that will make your company's day to day easier.

7 eCommerce Tools

The eCommerce tools we list below will help you create, manage and advertise your online store.
All of them are good options for professionals and entrepreneurs who are starting their business or want to expand their results.
In addition, they make product, sales and inventory management much easier.
Liked? Check out some of the tools for eCommerce that will help your day to day.

1. BigCommerce

The BigCommerce is an e-commerce platform that enables the creation of virtual stores quickly and easily.
You can even put your store on the air without needing a programmer.
In addition, the eCommerce tool offers support in managing and solving problems that may arise.
It offers a wide range of features such as:
  • theme customization;
  • checkout customization;
  • optimization for mobile devices;
  • integration with WordPress.
Learn more about the tool 's features and monthly fees on the BigCommerce website .

2. Shopify

The Shopify is also a virtual store creation tool.
In addition to the system prepared to receive your products, the platform offers other features such as:
  • support in building online presence;
  • creation of the name;
  • promotion through Google and Facebook;
  • sales management.
Choose from the themes that the platform offers and start creating your online store.

3. WooCommerce

The WooCommerce is the sales platform WordPress.
It is free (with paid versions), offers a good experience for the user of the site and allows the complete customization of the themes and functionalities of your virtual store.
The eCommerce tool offers support for:
  • payments;
  • marketing;
  • store management.
The platform is widely used by developers. They can use the system to create custom systems.
Want to know more about each of these eCommerce tools?
Watch the video below, which features a full review of them. The material is in English, but it is the most complete that we have found to date. It is worth the effort to train your vocabulary!

4. Veeqo

The Veeqo is a solution inventory management that helps small businesses to monitor the amount of stored items so that there is no surplus or shortage of items to sell.
It is also a great option for online stores that sell on other channels such as marketplaces . Inventory management remains integrated, making your day to day easier.

5. B2W

Speaking of marketplace, B2W is one of the best marketplaces in Brazil.
It brings together three e-commerce giants: Submarino, Shoptime, Americanas.com.
If you don't know the marketplace business model, know that it can boost your sales by taking advantage of the volume of users who visit sites known as the ones listed above, all in exchange for paying a commission per sale.
In the video below, two experts explain the advantages of investing in this sales model, even if you are a beginner.
In addition to B2W, other major marketplaces are Amazon, Mercado Livre and Magazine Luíza.
Have you ever thought about putting your product on these platforms and selling? Access each of these platforms and find out how to become a partner.
In general it is very simple, fast and profitable.

6. SEMRush

After the online store development platforms we listed above, it's time to move on to platforms that help optimize the results that your store will achieve over time.
The SEMRush allows performance analysis of your pages and your competitors.
In addition, the eCommerce tool allows your team to identify the keywords most used by users for research on items within their niche.
With this type of information it is possible to create and optimize eCommerce pages to improve your organic positioning on Google , for example. Improving your SEO result .
When your marketing campaigns are live, SEMRush allows you to analyze the performance of each one, generating insights for improvements in future actions.
In addition to SEMRush, which is a paid tool, you can use a combination of free tools to gain similar insights like Google Trends and Google Keyword Tool.

7. LAHAR

LAHAR is a complete software for Inbound Marketing and marketing automation. This type of tool helps to optimize marketing actions, ensuring better results within the current model of marketing and sales.
With the system your business has access to the tools of:
  • lead capture;
  • lead nutrition;
  • sending and automating email marketing and SMS;
  • creation of landing pages;
  • offers keyword panel;
  • social media management and reporting;
  • integrated CRM software;
  • lead tracking;
  • lead scoring and more.
Well, right?
So, to learn more about how to optimize your marketing routine with the eCommerce tool, visit the article; “ How to get the best out of marketing automation software ”.
LAHAR offers a series of success stories from companies that have chosen their solutions. Meet one of them, in the video below, which presents the Lecom case:
Get to know LAHAR and take advantage of a solution that allows you to monitor the performance of the campaign, minimize your time spent on tasks such as updating social networks, email marketing and creating content, allows you to segment and track your customers and does not cost a fortune .
Get the best Website Development Services from one of the leading IT web development and advertising company in India.
submitted by harrymiller7829 to u/harrymiller7829 [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:30 Browneyedloser My boyfriend won't talk to me about not having sex/ How can I be a better top?

So I did have sex last week but before that it was probably about 2 or so weeks since we've had sex and I wanna say before this we would usually do it once or twice a week.
We've been together around 9 or so months, I'm 24[F] and he's 35[M]. And I'm a pretty needy affectionate person who likes a lot of attention and he doesn't seem to mind, even when he's playing games online as he would come to say hi to me just watching shows and give me kisses and cuddles in between traveling or doing different things in whatever he is playing.
But recently even if we're cudding in the morning and he gets hard he doesn't do anything about it even when I'm trying to kiss him and do all these things to try and get him into it but he would just kiss me and look away or go play his games and basically look like he wasn't even interested even though the morning is usually when we would have sex.
So because we did have sex last week I kind of was just thinking whatever about it but also it felt like he wasn't really into it. But now I'm at the point where I ask him why doesn't he have have sex with me as often or I literally say "let's have sex" and he just looks away and picks up his phone going on facebook or goes and plays his online games.
And I stay with him probably 3 days to a week at a time and go home and just kind of switch back between places.
Now I'm starting to feel extremely insecure and upset because when I go home and come back and he continues to do this, I find out he's looking at porn but isn't wanting to have sex with me? I don't know what I should do or think, and I'm trying to be understanding thinking maybe he just doesn't feel like it lately but at the same time I go back to thinking well he's watching porn? He still kisses me and cuddles me and says he loves me.
On another note; same boyfriend
I needed help with two separate things and didn't want the notifications for two separate posts. So late sorry for the super long post.
Okay so he's not that big and whenever I try to get on top I always get super embarrassed because I'm on the bigger side not super big probably just decently chubby I guess. But he's also only my 2nd boyfriend in my whole life and my 3rd sex partner so I really don't have a lot of experience but I do try when I get on top but because I have trouble actually getting it in me even when I grab it he will usually laugh and then I do and then we just end up doing lameo missionary.
submitted by Browneyedloser to sex [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:24 yuungtyler Finding a tennis partner in kansas city gladstone??

Anyone have recommendations of finding a hitting partner? i've tried apps and finding facebook groups but I have no luck so far. Im only 18 so I cant really afford joining a tennis club or organization. My friends who I usually hit with don't take it as serious and I wanna play more challenging games. At my local park no one really plays tennis.
submitted by yuungtyler to tennis [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:58 anonymouse834 My Dad's Conspiracy Theories are Wrecking My Family

So my Dad (62 M) is really into conspiracies and spends an awful lot of time watching YouTube and VK. He thinks masks don't work, covid is a hoax and a whole lot of other things. Over the past year or more he's been regularly sending us links to this stuff in our family chat group. It has been resoundingly ignored apart from one time my brother (35 M) mildly disagreed with something and my Dad went on this rant that ended, 'but I'm just some idiot who cruises the internet looking for wack job theories'.
These posts (which we all ignored) went on and on and my brother, who is socially not so good, maybe a little on the spectrum, was getting more and more angry about them. He is a lovely kind person, but he does say things that are disproportionate when he gets angry (he would never act violently and I've never seen him raise his voice directly at anyone, but he can get very angry internally). A couple months ago after seeing some stuff my Mum posted on Facebook and months of Dad's posts he said something like, 'if one of them dies from covid, I'm going to be so angry at the other one that I just don't know if I'll be able to control my rage' to me directly. At this point, it had gotten to the stage that Dad wouldn't talk about anything else but political conspiracies. A few days after my brother said that thing to me, which I had been worrying about, Dad posted a meme about how masks don't work. So I requested that the chat group be for family news and pictures since we are bombarded with enough news media these days. My Mum said Dad had meant to send the meme direct to her and that it was an accident. I calmly said that it was more than one meme and that we are adults with the ability to find our own media and probably have differing opinions. I softened it with a joke about not sharing the clitoris podcast I had just been listening to. Dad didn't say anything.
A week later, he sent me a direct message asking if I would be open to looking at the evidence about masks. I was truthful and said it was nothing to do with that but rather my brother was struggling with the conflict of disagreeing and it was beginning to damage their relationship (my brother would say to me how much he dreaded seeing or even talking to Dad). I didn't repeat any of what my brother had actually said. My Dad got very upset and said I must think little of him, that I shouldn't protect my brother from media he finds interesting and that he felt gas lit and isolated (implying that was my fault). I remained calm and said I just wanted to put our relationships before political views.
Things went more or less quiet after that, although he started just DMing political stuff to my brother (bypassing me essentially). My brother would tell me and say he just didn't respond.
In the past week, my parents told us they were buying a block of land far from us and all of the rest of our family implying that's were they would retire - a change of plans. Originally, they planned to move closer to where we grew up to retire. The change I believe in part is because my Dad feels our country of origin (a small, left-leaning, friendly country one of few to have very low covid transmission) is 'part of the matrix' - whatever that means. I expressed concerns about them retiring so far from their loved ones who could help in a crisis or just as they get older (it's a different country so visits from family will be limited). I got the feeling that my Dad particularly didn't appreciate my input but my brother agreed with me and I think to some extent my mother did too. They decided to go ahead with the purchase and suggested it might be a more short term investment (I'm not sure that they actually mean that, but I would have felt wrong not saying anything. I want them to be close to family and old friends when they are older so they aren't alone and have help and support close at hand. My mother's mobility is already not so good and my Dad is pretty unsympathetic about it.)
Then yesterday, my Dad sent me a meme out of the blue (it was directly related to the area I am in and the current covid restrictions here) and followed it with, 'Oops, wrong person, sorry if you disagree'. It struck me as so snarky and sarcastic. My partner and brother agreed that it was intended that way. I was actually just so upset - my family had always been fairly close and kind to each other. I didn't respond, but it feels like my Dad doesn't give a shit about anything other than politics and making us hear and agree with him at all costs. He is still sending things to my brother even though I've said it upsets him. I spent a large part of the night in tears because it feels like I've lost my parents to this ideology when I just don't care about it at all. Like, I have my own opinions about politics but I'm fine with not everyone agreeing - I just want have a family who can get on, share a meal and a joke.
My parents have invited themselves to my house for Christmas (assuming borders are open) and I am just dreading it. I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no one I can talk to about all of this. My Mum's birthday is next week and I would normally call and have a chat but I'm dreading that too. Everything I think of doing feels like it will end badly, just pretending it's not happening feels like I'm just accepting it and letting the behaviour continue. I dread more snarky messages landing in my inbox.
Does anyone have any advice to smooth things over? I don't want this to get to the point where I (or my brother) say something regrettable. But it is hard to remain calm and not be a jerk when someone's being unkind to you.
Should I just cut off communication for a while? What should I do about Christmas?
TLDR: my dad has strong views about politics that he has been relentlessly sharing with us. It has made my brother very angry and unhappy. I tried to limit the political posts in the family chat group and it's backfired making my dad very resentful and he has sent me a snarky message out of the blue. I'm dreading future family interactions.
submitted by anonymouse834 to JUSTNOFAMILY [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:43 anonymouse834 My (30 F) Dad's (62 M) Conspiracy Theories are Destroying my Family

So my Dad (62 M) is really into conspiracies and spends an awful lot of time watching YouTube and VK. He thinks masks don't work, covid is a hoax and a whole lot of other things. Over the past year or more he's been regularly sending us links to this stuff in our family chat group. It has been resoundingly ignored apart from one time my brother (35 M) mildly disagreed with something and my Dad went on this rant that ended, 'but I'm just some idiot who cruises the internet looking for wack job theories'.
These posts (which we all ignored) went on and on and my brother, who is socially not so good, maybe a little on the spectrum, was getting more and more angry about them. He is a lovely kind person, but he does say things that are disproportionate when he gets angry (he would never act violently and I've never seen him raise his voice directly at anyone, but he can get very angry internally). A couple months ago after seeing some stuff my Mum posted on Facebook and months of Dad's posts he said something like, 'if one of them dies from covid, I'm going to be so angry at the other one that I just don't know if I'll be able to control my rage' to me directly. At this point, it had gotten to the stage that Dad wouldn't talk about anything else but political conspiracies. A few days after my brother said that thing to me, which I had been worrying about, Dad posted a meme about how masks don't work. So I requested that the chat group be for family news and pictures since we are bombarded with enough news media these days. My Mum said Dad had meant to send the meme direct to her and that it was an accident. I calmly said that it was more than one meme and that we are adults with the ability to find our own media and probably have differing opinions. I softened it with a joke about not sharing the clitoris podcast I had just been listening to. Dad didn't say anything.
A week later, he sent me a direct message asking if I would be open to looking at the evidence about masks. I was truthful and said it was nothing to do with that but rather my brother was struggling with the conflict of disagreeing and it was beginning to damage their relationship (my brother would say to me how much he dreaded seeing or even talking to Dad). I didn't repeat any of what my brother had actually said. My Dad got very upset and said I must think little of him, that I shouldn't protect my brother from media he finds interesting and that he felt gas lit and isolated (implying that was my fault). I remained calm and said I just wanted to put our relationships before political views.
Things went more or less quiet after that, although he started just DMing political stuff to my brother (bypassing me essentially). My brother would tell me and say he just didn't respond.
In the past week, my parents told us they were buying a block of land far from us and all of the rest of our family implying that's were they would retire - a change of plans. Originally, they planned to move closer to where we grew up to retire. The change I believe in part is because my Dad feels our country of origin (a small, left-leaning, friendly country one of few to have very low covid transmission) is 'part of the matrix' - whatever that means. I expressed concerns about them retiring so far from their loved ones who could help in a crisis or just as they get older (it's a different country so visits from family will be limited). I got the feeling that my Dad particularly didn't appreciate my input but my brother agreed with me and I think to some extent my mother did too. They decided to go ahead with the purchase and suggested it might be a more short term investment (I'm not sure that they actually mean that, but I would have felt wrong not saying anything. I want them to be close to family and old friends when they are older so they aren't alone and have help and support close at hand. My mother's mobility is already not so good and my Dad is pretty unsympathetic about it.)
Then yesterday, my Dad sent me a meme out of the blue (it was directly related to the area I am in and the current covid restrictions here) and followed it with, 'Oops, wrong person, sorry if you disagree'. It struck me as so snarky and sarcastic. My partner and brother agreed that it was intended that way. I was actually just so upset - my family had always been fairly close and kind to each other. I didn't respond, but it feels like my Dad doesn't give a shit about anything other than politics and making us hear and agree with him at all costs. He is still sending things to my brother even though I've said it upsets him. I spent a large part of the night in tears because it feels like I've lost my parents to this ideology when I just don't care about it at all. Like, I have my own opinions about politics but I'm fine with not everyone agreeing - I just want have a family who can get on, share a meal and a joke.
My parents have invited themselves to my house for Christmas (assuming borders are open) and I am just dreading it. I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no one I can talk to about all of this. My Mum's birthday is next week and I would normally call and have a chat but I'm dreading that too. Everything I think of doing feels like it will end badly, just pretending it's not happening feels like I'm just accepting it and letting the behaviour continue. I dread more snarky messages landing in my inbox.
Does anyone have any advice to smooth things over? I don't want this to get to the point where I (or my brother) say something regrettable. But it is hard to remain calm and not be a jerk when someone's being unkind to you.
Should I just cut off communication for a while? What should I do about Christmas?
TLDR: my dad has strong views about politics that he has been relentlessly sharing with us. It has made my brother very angry and unhappy. I tried to limit the political posts in the family chat group and it's backfired making my dad very resentful and he has sent me a snarky message out of the blue. I'm dreading future family interactions.
submitted by anonymouse834 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:11 anonymouse834 My Dad's Conspiracy Theories are Tearing my Family Apart

So my Dad is really into conspiracies and spends an awful lot of time watching YouTube and VK. He thinks masks don't work, covid is a hoax and a whole lot of other things. Over the past year or more he's been regularly sending us links to this stuff in our family chat group. It has been resoundingly ignored apart from one time my brother mildly disagreed with something and my Dad went on this rant that ended, 'but I'm just some idiot who cruises the internet looking for wack job theories'.
These posts (which we all ignored) went on and on and my brother, who is socially not so good, maybe a little on the spectrum, was getting more and more angry about them. He is a lovely kind person, but he does say things that are disproportionate when he gets angry (he would never act violently and I've never seen him raise his voice directly at anyone, but he can get very angry internally). A couple months ago after seeing some stuff my Mum posted on Facebook and months of Dad's posts he said something like, 'if one of them dies from covid, I'm going to be so angry at the other one that I just don't know if I'll be able to control my rage' to me directly. At this point, it had gotten to the stage that Dad wouldn't talk about anything else but political conspiracies. A few days after my brother said that thing to me, which I had been worrying about, Dad posted a meme about how masks don't work. So I requested that the chat group be for family news and pictures since we are bombarded with enough news media these days. My Mum said Dad had meant to send the meme direct to her and that it was an accident. I calmly said that it was more than one meme and that we are adults with the ability to find our own media and probably have differing opinions. I softened it with a joke about not sharing the clitoris podcast I had just been listening to. Dad didn't say anything.
A week later, he sent me a direct message asking if I would be open to looking at the evidence about masks. I was truthful and said it was nothing to do with that but rather my brother was struggling with the conflict of disagreeing and it was beginning to damage their relationship (my brother would say to me how much he dreaded seeing or even talking to Dad). I didn't repeat any of what my brother had actually said. My Dad got very upset and said I must think little of him, that I shouldn't protect my brother from media he finds interesting and that he felt gas lit and isolated (implying that was my fault). I remained calm and said I just wanted to put our relationships before political views.
Things went more or less quiet after that, although he started just DMing political stuff to my brother (bypassing me essentially). My brother would tell me and say he just didn't respond.
In the past week, my parents told us they were buying a block of land far from us and all of the rest of our family implying that's were they would retire - a change of plans. Originally, they planned to move closer to where we grew up to retire. I expressed concerns about them retiring so far from their loved ones who could help in a crisis or just as they get older (it's a different country so visits from family will be limited). I got the feeling that my Dad particularly didn't appreciate my input but my brother agreed with me and I think to some extent my mother did too. They decided to go ahead with the purchase and suggested it might be a more short term investment (I'm not sure that they actually mean that, but I would have felt wrong not saying anything. I want them to be close to family and old friends when they are older so they aren't alone and have help and support close at hand. My mother's mobility is already not so good and my Dad is pretty unsympathetic about it.)
Then yesterday, my Dad sent me a meme out of the blue (it was directly related to the area I am in and the current covid restrictions here) and followed it with, 'Oops, wrong person, sorry if you disagree'. It struck me as so snarky and sarcastic. My partner and brother agreed that it was intended that way. I was actually just so upset - my family had always been fairly close and kind to each other. I didn't respond, but it feels like my Dad doesn't give a shit about anything other than politics and making us hear and agree with him at all costs. He is still sending things to my brother even though I've said it upsets him. I spent a large part of the night in tears because it feels like I've lost my parents to this ideology when I just don't care about it at all. Like, I have my own opinions about politics but I'm fine with not everyone agreeing - I just want have a family who can get on, share a meal and a joke.
My parents have invited themselves to my house for Christmas (assuming borders are open) and I am just dreading it. I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no one I can talk to about all of this. My Mum's birthday is next week and I would normally call and have a chat but I'm dreading that too. Everything I think of doing feels like it will end badly, just pretending it's not happening feels like I'm just accepting it and letting the behaviour continue. I dread more snarky messages landing in my inbox.
Edited for grammar.
submitted by anonymouse834 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:43 x23896 Trust issues, among others - Am I overreacting?

My fiance (M30) and I (F24) have been together for 6 years and we just moved in together in March. We've had our problems like any relationship but I've been miserable since we moved in together. I think he expects me to be a mom more than a partner; I do all the grocery shopping, pay the bills, take out trash and recycling, do the dishes, walk our dogs and clean up/train/etc with new puppy, meal prep for both of us, vacuum, mop, clean living spaces, do his laundry, I even pack his lunch. All I ask is that he folds his clean clothes and scrubs the bathrooms. We originally split the chores much more evenly, until I actually moved in and he stopped putting any effort in. So that's part of the reason why I'm stressed all the time. Moving on ~ since we started dating, I used to find chewing tobacco tins and spit bottles in his storage bed. He lived with his parents until we moved out and claimed they were his dad's, and his dad did it in his room to hide it from his mom. Both of my parents have had issues with nicotine so that made sense to me. Fast forward ~ I started finding the tins and spit bottles at our apartment about a month ago. Each time I confront him about it, he says something different. And each time he also pokes holes in whatever reason he told me previously. A few days ago he lied about going out after I went to bed (told me he didn't) and he left a receipt on my desk that he bought some. I'm feeling helpless. Each time I've confronted him, because I've noticed how he pokes holes in his previous lies, I've said specifically that I'd be more upset if I found out he was lying, than if he was actually using it. He's came up with very believable lies on the spot each time and gone with those instead. We've had previous issues with things like infidelity, specifically serious flirting with other girls in public and on facebook (i.e posting 'I need 😘' on peoples pictures and worse) and me finding emails of him trying to hookup with people off Craigslist about a year in before I'd have sex with him. He explained those away as well. I'm hurt that he kept lying each time with the chewing tobacco, even though I gave him an out. I also said that we've come so far since the above issues and I've never felt more secure in our relationship/trusting of him, so I'd want him to tell me instead of lying about even bad things like this, so we don't go back to the way we were before. But he STILL actively made the choice to break my trust AGAIN without skipping a beat, made it seem so believable, and went on like normal. Now that I have solid proof with this issue, I'm fully convinced that he's an incredible liar and can come up with anything on the spot to keep me around. On one hand I feel like I'm being ridiculous because I'm questioning our whole relationship over this issue, on the other I feel like he's completely violated my trust to a point that idk if we can salvage it because it's making me call into question anything he's told me before with any issue we've had. I'm also finding myself questioning a lot of his own personal stories about high school/growing up because they're embellished to the point that they seem cringy Hallmark Movie fake. I haven't been happy for a while and have been hoping we'd get better with each step forward, like moving in together, but it seems each step has made things worse. He limited my social activities during college and study abroad so I've missed out on a lot. Aside from personal issues, our sex life is non-existent. He's had a yeast infection diagnosed since April but I noticed symptoms going back a year, so we haven't had penetrative sex for quite a while. His lying had made me question if he's had this due to poor hygiene like he said his doctor said (he works 12 hour shifts outside, he told me his doc said these infections are common for men with these jobs because of the heat) or if he's been cheating and caught something. He's always been a big guy (5'10", 275) which I love, but he's put on almost 125 since we started dating. I've gained weight too but I've made an effort to get healthy this last year and am back to 160 at 5'4". He's just not attractive to me whatsoever anymore and wastes all the healthy food I cook him. We've also just put our wedding off again, moving it to October 2022. I feel like I keep making serious life compromises for this guy and now I feel like he's a compulsive liar, like this isn't going anywhere and my life is on hold as long as I'm with him. I can't tell if I'm overreacting or if maybe this is just a smaller issue that's tipped the iceberg, but I feel ready to walk away. I haven't been in a serious relationship like this before and I know people say you need to put effort in to make love work, so I can't tell if this is just one of those things where I need to put serious work in and choose to stay in order to keep love alive and keep the relationship. Am I overreacting with the conclusions I'm drawing from this lie? Or am I in my head too much due to stress from moving in, COVID, and our sex life, and taking it out on him?
TL; DR: Caught my fiance in a 6 year lie and I'm feeling like I want to leave him. It was so believable that I'm not sure if he's a compulsive liar and lied to cover himself in other issues like infidelity, and I should walk away. Or if I'm just overreacting due to stress with COVID, his large weight gain, and just moving in together. People say you have to choose to be in a relationship and fight for love to make marriage work. I can't tell if this is one of those trials, or if it's just a bright red flag to finally walk away.
submitted by x23896 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:01 chuckitoutafterward Sorry, long vent. Note to self: Stay off social media!!

After being blindsided the other day, I have been careful to not make contact this week. He has sent me a couple of text messages, just funny pics and memes, and I have been slow to respond or haven't responded at all. When I spoke to him last, I told him I needed space to work out whether I wanted to be friends with someone who lies to me and treats me like crap. I still have not initiated contact with him. I have reasons for not blocking and deleting just yet. As I said, he has not completely discarded me, he is still wanting me to hang on. Trying that whole grey rocking thing, at least until I can get in to see my psych next week.
I feel better for it, for the most part. I no longer have a sense of anxiety waiting for my phone to ring. I actually like the feeling of knowing he isn't interested in me and has already moved on, because it's better than being strung along and lied to. If he'd done that in the first place I might have even been able to be friends with him. I like not having to explain myself to him, not having to give up my precious time to deal with his drama. I like being able to watch a movie all the way through without being interrupted. I like knowing that I don't feel I owe him anything right now.
Anyway, long story short, I made the mistake of checking his Facebook (moment of weakness?). She had posted the lovely flowers he sent her, with the nice little message, and it was like a kick in the guts. He never gave me anything. Not a thing. Even when we were "dating". He never took me out, he never did anything to actually show me that he cared at all.
It's hard not to go down the road of "did he lie to me about everything, his feelings, all of it?" or "how come I was never good enough for the good stuff? I just got the suicide threats and him cheating on his girlfriend to be with me". So apparently I'm an amazing woman, just not amazing enough to be honest with, or even be with?
I'm trying to focus on what the reality is here. He's love bombing her. He's saying all the right things, he's doing all the right things. It won't last, because it can't. He hasn't miraculously changed overnight, he will soon be right back to his old ways. More fool her for taking him back after he dumped her the first time anyway. It seems to be his pattern. And he seems to be expecting me to stick around and take him back again. But I definitely won't be doing that this time. Today is a hard day though, and I'm not sure why. I'm having trouble concentrating at work, going over all the things he's said in the past that I now doubt to be true.
The truth is, I don't want to be with him. Of course I thought I did, I thought I could change him, would be good for him. But he is actually not what I want. He is just about everything I don't want. BPD or not, he's not a good guy. He's manipulative and deceptive and hurtful. And I'm much better off without him.
This is mostly a vent, of course, again, because I need to get it off my chest and I know you understand. But if you were to answer a question for me, it would be how do you keep reminding yourself that what they post online and what they are like with their new partner is not a reflection of you or your own self worth? The bottom line is who cares I guess. My best revenge is to move on. Don't ever let him see me cry. Don't ever let him know he hurt me. Right?
submitted by chuckitoutafterward to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 03:42 LyNSinFlare If you haven’t read the latest post by a certain someone who ventured over here last week, here it is just in case it gets deleted. I do not wish her nor her fucktard MM happiness. After the pain an devastation two cowards intentionally put on another person, both of them can go to hell!

My venture to "the dark side"
Last week I was reading the hate sub and saw that I had been called out as a coward. I decided to put my two cents in, started out on the offensive, but actually ended up getting a viewpoint from a few contributors that actually made me think. Especially in the situation I find myself now, I do appreciate having had those discussions.
Thirteen did it. He told her everything, answered all of her questions, and left the house. She yelled, threw something at him, said she won't give him a divorce and will take everything. She has sent me angry Facebook messages and, strangely enough, a friend request. I wish I could understand more than I do and that it never happened in a way that would hurt her, but I'm glad about the outcome. He was so relieved when I got home from work last night, where he was waiting for me. No more lying or hiding. He couldn't do it to her anymore.
I have put blinders on to the situation that I am in and have helped cause. I have been in an adulterous relationship with Thirteen for the better part of a year now and it has been starting to tear me up inside. I knew that in order for me to get what I want, and what he wants, it has very much hurt someone else and ruined a family dynamic that has been in place for many years. I can and do try to justify it in any way possible - she has left him unfulfilled, her alcoholism has driven them apart, there are so many circumstances that have made their marriage fall apart, he has apparently been unhappy for years but never knew there could be anything else. The truth is still the same. I always used to say that I take no pride in our situation, but after hearing what some of the commenters had to say I actively feel ashamed and though it will always be a part of our history, I'm glad it's over.
I think everyone here needs to keep in mind that those "trolls" are actual people. Is having a hate sub justified? Of course it is. Are the things they say justified? To a certain extent. While I find the name-calling childish and unnecessary, maybe it's the only avenue some people have to get the rage out. I have never been in their situation so I can't understand it and don't judge it anymore. We all have our own stories and theirs have obviously had chapters of immense pain and anger. I can't take part in the adulterous conversations anymore because I just can't stomach it. The amount of posts about how to make sure you can get away with it, how to find so many new partners, all the excuses about why it's okay... It's just not. There has to be something better than looking for new ways to hurt someone that trusts you. I suggest reading the entire post with 131 comments on the hate sub (I don't know how to link to it). It changed my view.
submitted by LyNSinFlare to AdulteryHate [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 03:32 chemnundrum One of my partners found this on Facebook, I felt like I had to share it here.

One of my partners found this on Facebook, I felt like I had to share it here. submitted by chemnundrum to polyamory [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 03:21 nomoresuckers wanting advice/insight into being friends with an ex

so as the title says im looking for advice on being friends with my (21F) ex (20M). and yes i know the general consesus is to not be friends with an ex and to cut contact and all that but i dont plan on doing that at all.
so i will start with a bit of context about this all. so my ex and i were together for just over 9 months and he broke up with me around 7 weeks ago. the relationship wasn't toxic on his part at all, i made a lot of bad choices in terms of how i acted towards him which let to him not being able to take it. i was very anxious and just letting it control me which then lead to me always getting mad at him and being complelty unreasonable and controlling. and i completely admit that i acted in the wrong and he had every reason to break up with me,in the end the bad was outweighing the good and obviously nobody wants that. during this time i have done a lot of relfecting and have put in a lot of changes in my life already and something i realised was that i was realistically never going to change while i was still with him. i was too dependent on him and i needed to not be with him in order to learn about to deal with my anxious feelings and to learn how not to emotionally rely on someone else so much. so i am taking this time to work on myself and become a better person. and i am happy to say that a lot of grea changes have been made. my anxious feelings have basically gone, i have gotten back into hobbies that i used to enjoy, i have reached out to more friends and i am focusing on finishing uni. now in relation to our breakup, it wasnt a bad breakup at all. we sat, we talked, we cried. there was no arguing or any anger towards eachother, just a lot of sadness from both of us.
so because of how we dont have any anger towards eachother we have both found it easily to still stay in touch. he pretty much immediatly made it clear that he was happy to stay friends with him, though if i didnt want that he would respect that. at the beginning things were a bit messy as i was defnitly very upset and still processing it all, so then we did a short period of no contact to allow those emotions to settle down a bit. this worked incredily well and gave us a little bit of time establish lives apart from eachother. when soming into contact again we both decided that we want to stay friends and as much as i hate the idea of only being friends i know that i need to work on myself before i even think about being in a relationship. and in saying that we haven't compeltely ruled out the ide of us trying again, especially since all our issues were rooted in my mental health. so i do believe that given the time to work on my mental health we could both be in a place to give things another go. atm he is very certain that he does not want to be in a relationship with anyone. i think he has realised that atm it is too doffocult with hos lifestyle (working fulltime and then tryong to balance time with his friends, family and with himself as well as the fact that he is still trying to fogure out his life).
so i also wanna just say a bit about how he acts with me atm. we text fairly often still, like our conversations kinda never end and drag out over multiple days. when we do have a break from texting its not usually longer than 24 hours and he usually intitiates a conversation again. in saying that the amount of texting does vary, he is not a massive texter (as he likes to do the things he enjoys without being glued to his phone) so its usually hours between mesages from eachother, unless he is sitting directly on his phone, then he will text back instanly. his texts are also not dry at all and he often sends multiple mesages in a row to keep the conversation interesting. we also still comunicate through snapchat and tag eachother in memes on facebook. so overall it has all been very positive and he seems happy to still communicate with me.
in saying all of that he still has a lot of negative expectations of me and just is very obviousaly still holding onto the past and my past actions. an example of this is that we talked about catching up in person. he was very set on us just going out for lunch or dinner and i suggested some other options as due to restrictions we cant go out and eat for a while. so i just suggested that we go for a walk in the park or we can even go and have a hit of tennis together, which he was okay with. so i asked why he was so set on us going out somewhere to eat and its bc he wanted to do something that didnt meant we spent the whole day together bc he just automatically thought i would wanna spend a whole day with him and that i would be pushy about it. he also said hw thoight i wouldnt wanna do any other activity bc of how in the past i was so difficult and set on doing the things that i want. to me this shows how he is used to how i used to act. i am wondering if there was anything i could do to help change these expectations? to change how he thinks im going to behave in certain situations? i have been acting a lot better. like i used to be a nightmare to text throughout the day and i was always so negative and anxious and mad and it made him never want to text me. but i hhave changed that and havent been acting like that at all. he has also apologised a few times for taking his time to text back even if it wasnt very long, which also tells me hes stuck in the mindset of me getting annoyed when he doesnt reply.
now i will admit that there are some signs that there is hope and things arent completely done. the first being his reluctance to leave my life espeically after we discussed that it would be weird if we got new partners and then still talked a lot with eachother. i also know that he still has the framed pic of us in his room because ive seen it in a couple of snapchats. if you look on his fb our pictures are still on there. but i want to point out that im not sitting around waiting for him to want to be with me again. like if he decided that i wouldnt jump straight back into it at all, i woulc take things slow (especially since we didnt really take things slow at the beginning) and if enough time passes who knows maybe i wont want to ever be with him again. but if someone else comes along for me, a chance with someone else then i would take it. like it wouldnt say no just because im waiting for someone else.
so i’m adding in this paragraph a few days after i wrote the first part as a few things have happened. so he ended up getting the rest of the week off of work and asked me if we could hang out earlier so i have now seen him in person for the first time since our break up. we just went down to the local park/lake and sat and talked for a couple of hours. i really didn’t know how to feel about seeing him again tbh like i can’t pinpoint how i was feeling other then that i was unsure of how things were going to go. but we just sat and talked about a whole heap of random stuff. it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything and we easily had things to talk about and we made eachother laugh. i do wish i could have hugged him but you know due to being in public and social distancing i didn’t even suggest it. we didn’t really talk a lot about us but he did talk about what he told his parents when we broke up and he told them he just wasn’t happy. and i’m so fucking annoyed at myself bc of course he wasn’t fucking happy. i was getting mad everytime he didn’t text back quick. i questioned his every move all of the time. i got mad when he used to have a drink even if it was just one. i would get mad and jealous when he hung out with his friends. i would get mad if he wanted to spend time with himself. i would get mad if he had a day off and didn’t spend it with me. the list of stupid shit i did just goes on. and it’s all bc i was so just insecure and needy and always wanted his time and attention and it made him unhappy. and it’s frustrating because i know i’m a lot better then that. i know that the real version of me isn’t that toxic. and ever since we broke up i haven’t been like that at all. with him or anyone. and he did say that he wanted to make the judgement in person on whether i was really changing. as it’s one thing to say that and another to show it. and part of me things if i continue to work on myself and show him that that things could possibly work out eventually. but he said we can hang out again which is a good sign. i think i need to talk to him in person more about the change in my behaviours and attitude at all that. bc it has changed and i’m still changing and working on it.
i don’t plan on bringing up the idea of getting back together and i don’t think i ever will. if he ever brings it up we can talk about it but yeah i don’t think it’ll ever do me good to bring it up. and as i said i’m not completely just wasting my hope, if someone else comes along i’ll take that opportunity but at the same time i’m not going out of my way to look for anyone anytime soon (and neither is he).
i also wrote him a letter a few weeks ago. it’s just a lot about my feelings and what’s changed and stuff. idk if i would ever give it to him though. should i give it to him?
also i guess i would just like any advice or insight into how to proceed with things, or if anyone has had similiar experiences. i just don’t want to ruin things anymore.
i know this is long so i appreciate anyone who has read it all.
TLDR: bf and i broke up and are staying friends. any advice on how to go about this and not think things when we are both in a good place in terms of how positive we are towards eachother.
submitted by nomoresuckers to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 02:09 Thirteenssecret My venture to "the dark side"

Last week I was reading the hate sub and saw that I had been called out as a coward. I decided to put my two cents in, started out on the offensive, but actually ended up getting a viewpoint from a few contributors that actually made me think. Especially in the situation I find myself now, I do appreciate having had those discussions.
Thirteen did it. He told her everything, answered all of her questions, and left the house. She yelled, threw something at him, said she won't give him a divorce and will take everything. She has sent me angry Facebook messages and, strangely enough, a friend request. I wish I could understand more than I do and that it never happened in a way that would hurt her, but I'm glad about the outcome. He was so relieved when I got home from work last night, where he was waiting for me. No more lying or hiding. He couldn't do it to her anymore.
I have put blinders on to the situation that I am in and have helped cause. I have been in an adulterous relationship with Thirteen for the better part of a year now and it has been starting to tear me up inside. I knew that in order for me to get what I want, and what he wants, it has very much hurt someone else and ruined a family dynamic that has been in place for many years. I can and do try to justify it in any way possible - she has left him unfulfilled, her alcoholism has driven them apart, there are so many circumstances that have made their marriage fall apart, he has apparently been unhappy for years but never knew there could be anything else. The truth is still the same. I always used to say that I take no pride in our situation, but after hearing what some of the commenters had to say I actively feel ashamed and though it will always be a part of our history, I'm glad it's over.
I think everyone here needs to keep in mind that those "trolls" are actual people. Is having a hate sub justified? Of course it is. Are the things they say justified? To a certain extent. While I find the name-calling childish and unnecessary, maybe it's the only avenue some people have to get the rage out. I have never been in their situation so I can't understand it and don't judge it anymore. We all have our own stories and theirs have obviously had chapters of immense pain and anger. I can't take part in the adulterous conversations anymore because I just can't stomach it. The amount of posts about how to make sure you can get away with it, how to find so many new partners, all the excuses about why it's okay... It's just not. There has to be something better than looking for new ways to hurt someone that trusts you. I suggest reading the entire post with 131 comments on the hate sub (I don't know how to link to it). It changed my view.
submitted by Thirteenssecret to adultery [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 02:08 Thirteenssecret My venture to "the dark side"

Last week I was reading the hate sub and saw that I had been called out as a coward. I decided to put my two cents in, started out on the offensive, but actually ended up getting a viewpoint from a few contributors that actually made me think. Especially in the situation I find myself now, I do appreciate having had those discussions.
Thirteen did it. He told her everything, answered all of her questions, and left the house. She yelled, threw something at him, said she won't give him a divorce and will take everything. She has sent me angry Facebook messages and, strangely enough, a friend request. I wish I could understand more than I do and that it never happened in a way that would hurt her, but I'm glad about the outcome. He was so relieved when I got home from work last night, where he was waiting for me. No more lying or hiding. He couldn't do it to her anymore.
I have put blinders on to the situation that I am in and have helped cause. I have been in an adulterous relationship with Thirteen for the better part of a year now and it has been starting to tear me up inside. I knew that in order for me to get what I want, and what he wants, it has very much hurt someone else and ruined a family dynamic that has been in place for many years. I can and do try to justify it in any way possible - she has left him unfulfilled, her alcoholism has driven them apart, there are so many circumstances that have made their marriage fall apart, he has apparently been unhappy for years but never knew there could be anything else. The truth is still the same. I always used to say that I take no pride in our situation, but after hearing what some of the commenters had to say I actively feel ashamed and though it will always be a part of our history, I'm glad it's over.
I think everyone here needs to keep in mind that those "trolls" are actual people. Is having a hate sub justified? Of course it is. Are the things they say justified? To a certain extent. While I find the name-calling childish and unnecessary, maybe it's the only avenue some people have to get the rage out. I have never been in their situation so I can't understand it and don't judge it anymore. We all have our own stories and theirs have obviously had chapters of immense pain and anger. I can't take part in the adulterous conversations anymore because I just can't stomach it. The amount of posts about how to make sure you can get away with it, how to find so many new partners, all the excuses about why it's okay... It's just not. There has to be something better than looking for new ways to hurt someone that trusts you. I suggest reading the entire post with 131 comments on the hate sub (I don't know how to link to it). It changed my view.
submitted by Thirteenssecret to theotherwoman [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 00:54 forestcabin123k Dishonest Moocher Gets Owned

AITA for dumping/ghosting my supposedly best friend?
I (F 48) have know “Sheila” (F51) for over ten years. I really liked her. She was very kind, selfless and very responsible. I knew her then husband but she and I became really close.
Her husband dumped her in favor of “greener pastures”. They kept this private until she reached out to me for support. I was in denial at first because I really loved them as a couple. Eventually, things between them got really cold so it became apparent that they were heading for divorce.
There was only one incident before their separation. Her husband suggested one of us head to the store to buy some drinks and chinese food. I paid for it because he also paid sometimes, so it was my treat. When I returned, I handed everyone their plates and she berated me because “I had kept the change”. She immediately asked “did you get some change back?” I said yes, and it’s inside the foodie bag. She dug in it and loudly accused me of “keeping the change”. I was confused and she spread the 80-something cents on the table and demanded that I dig in my wallet. I told her I had paid. She stayed quiet and never apologized. I felt attacked and confused but brushed it off as an honest mistake on her part.
So, years later we had become pretty close. We talked everyday, mostly about her painful separation. I was happy to listen because I had experienced a broken heart before my marriage and thought I could help her recover. Sheila was never an “all about me and my stuff” conversational narcissist. Our exchanges were nice and felt very honest.
Her husband called me to tell me his reasons for leaving her. I was taken aback because he had no reason to offer any explanation. He just said that Sheila was a pig who sent their kids dirty to school, never cleaned the house and he was done doing everything by himself, from cleaning the house to double checking his kids clothing before dropping them off each morning. I paid no attention to this, I thought it was “pre-divorce spousal gossip”. He insisted that he was fed up getting home late after work only to find his home turned into a pigsty. (Pay attention to this). He went on about not being able to sleep in such a dirty house and getting up at 2AM to clean up because he was angry.
He and I had a huge fallout later on. He was basically a jerk who saw his friends as stepping stones, so I cut him off when he abused my trust. She kept justifying him and begging me to forgive him because “he needed us” and he was just going through a stage (midlife crises). God Dammit that's not my problem!
I attempted to go into business with her. I contributed all the ideas, the costs, the contacts, and the structure. However, because Sheila was an excellent office manager, I thought we could team up. My F__$$# mistake!We decided to have a girls night out weekend. So we would hang out from Thursday to Sunday out of town. We would use that timeframe to focus on getting the business running, work as a team and then, do fun stuff in the evening. We took our computers, work plans, etc.
One detail is that, because Sheila has kids and ZERO access to “me time”, we stayed at a hotel to focus on the startup. I’m used to this and my husband is very supportive. But because she couldn’t pay for it and because I know how important it is to be able to “unplug” during a breakup, I paid for her entire stay. Sheila had the bedroom right under my own room. She wanted to room together but I hate that. I need privacy and I need to know that I can go to sleep, watch tv and use the bathroom whenever I like without having to listen to unwanted TV noise or being forced to politely listen should my roommate get chatty. The only time I actually went into her bedroom it was really messy, with clothes all over the floor and some stuff hanging from an armchair and lots of food scraps all over the floor. I felt I shouldn’t judge, so I acted like I didn’t notice.
We stayed in touch more often due to our need to get the ball running. I laid some ground rules which included being very open about her estranged husband NOT BEING WELCOME for any type of endeavor. This became an issue, because Sheila insisted that we patch things up and I let him become a part of what we were doing. I wrote her a nice email, explaining that she was very capable on her own and she was valuable, therefore I chose to do business with her. She was very moved and emotional.
This went well for a while. Sheila called me one afternoon and she sounded sad, like she was emotionally disturbed. Her ex had called her minutes earlier with an insane demand: she was to prove to him that she held no grudges and that she was a good person by helping him become a partner in our startup. I was so furious I immediately shut it down. I had no intention of causing tension between them, but I would not allow him to use me as a hostage and force me to comply. I gave her the honest choice to just cease our activities if she felt this would bring more trouble into her life. Sheila absolutely said no and we kept on. It was all good, except for the time she showed up at my doorstep at 7 am on a Sunday morning without an invitation. I thought it was weird, especially because I never actually gave her my home address. I treasure my privacy, so I did not let her in. She knew my area, but not my home.
From this on, business meetings became mortifying. Sheila insisted on circumventing my conditions and tried to insert him into our potential business contracts. When I said NO, she modified her strategy and tried to pull clients to work with her ex-.separated/husband ( not related to what we were doing, but tried to “seduce clients” into booking meetings for the two of them only without even including me). It’s worth noting that all prospects were MY CLIENTS, my contacts and part of my portfolio.
Sheila also showed attention seeking behavior. I patiently thought it was due to her being a doormat for so many years, and now she wanted to be noticed. But the situation progressed, and she would only talk about herself, like she wasn’t part of a team. And , she went too far one day and asked me to shut up (“please let me talk!”) during a presentation (in front of everyone) while I was directly asked to explain business processes that were not a part of her experience. So she opened her mouth and showed she didn’t know what she was doing. Honestly, being a business partner where the other party is doing all the effort and all that is expected of you is to stick with what you know best isn’t a bad deal. I always treated her with respect and thought she would try and actually learn the process before sticking her foot in her mouth. When we left the client’s office, the client texted me and asked me to please never bring her again because she was too caught up in getting attention and her constant interruptions were not welcome.
I stopped sharing information with her after Sheila ridiculed me for waving hello to an acquaintance who did not respond immediately because he didn’t recognize me. Sheila used that as a bullying joke and told everyone that I thought I’m so hot I can wave at anyone but the joke’s on me because I haven’t realized I’m over 40. The fact that she sexualized a simple wave of the hand and was so “happy” to see the perceived slight happen became a red flag. I also learned that she was actively hunting and digging for information on my suppliers.
Things became unbearable with her ex. They hadn’t divorce yet and she would not ask for child support. So she was hurting financially and had to move out of state. Our friendship regained the good vibe. We talked everyday. She relied on me for advice as navigating a new life was quite challenging.
Sheila planned to visit next summer and I was excited. Unfortunately, I could not see her right away due to previous commitments, but it was a 2 week trip so there would be plenty of time to catch up. When she called and I let her know that I couldn't make it immediately, she went radio silent and hung up (“ Hello, hello? OP, I can’t hear yah!”). Sheila was staying hours away, so that played a part. I saw her facebook pictures. She was having a good time, hanging out, partying, and she looked really happy. So I stopped trying to reschedule and thought she would get in touch and tell me when we could meet. That never happened.
I wrote to her via messenger and she said she regretted not swinging by but she was now heading back. I understood.
However, I got a long text trail weeks later. She described abandonment, dismissal and obliviousness. One message said: “Living in their own little world. Immediately cut me off.”
I honestly thought this had to do with her ex and wrote her if she was okay. I did nott a reply until hours later. Sheila called me and said that she was messaging a close friend we have in common ( I then realized it was our old group chat). She said she wouldn’t “need” to talk about me if I had let her stay at my house for her 2 week vacation. That she was mad because she “had” to sleep on a hard recliner chair at her exe’s place (she turned down his family’s offer to host her) and that she expected more of me. She called me her ego boost (wow… I thought I was an actual person but now it turns out I’m just some sort of commodity) and that I’m her best friend but she was hurt because I didn’t offer her my home and she knows I must have a big house.
I told her me and my family need privacy but she countered that if I was her real friend, I would have no problem in making an exception or at least accommodate her because my family should be able to understand. Also, she would stop talking about me if I let her stay next time. Emotional blackmail at its best.
So actually, she had been caught talking crap behind my back all courtesy of using the wrong text trail and was now blaming me. Not only had she done this, but the entire trail exaggerated the whole thing because first of all, she never asked me to host her in the first place. I told her she would be better off if she asked her ex for child support. She said she couldn’t put him under financial pressure. Her financial planning is not my responsibility. My house is not an Airbnb.
I also went to her house once and her living conditions were subhuman. It wasn’t messy. It was filthy. It was dog shit inside the bathtub, a calcified toilet bowl, a huge clump of toothpaste spit (hard, like it took years to build). The bathroom odor took over the entire house, the sink towering in moldy dishes, and maggots all over the floor. I was surprised because she never looked dirty. However, having seen this and her hotel room, why would I let her stay at my place?? Invitations should be spontaneous, not at gunpoint.
I let that go. What can I do. I simply went “zero” on business plans. She never did much about our startup after she left, but I get it. She was busy and had a new job. So now she was desperately trying to get me interested in completing what we started. In a year, she never touched any of our plans. She arrived back at her new state and asked me to again cover for expenses: “Can we reactivate the website?” “Can you cover the cost for x or y?”
She became passive aggressive. On the one hand she wanted to use me to become a successful “entrepreneur”. On the other hand, she began some sort of campaign via facebook. She used veiled remarks. She constantly wrote “philosophical” memes on “friends who let you down” and kept tagging me on cryptic posts. Her friends would express their disgust at “people who leave you high and dry”, “friends who don’t come see you when you are in town”. I had enough after I restricted her access to my profile and she still managed to visit my FB wall and scrolled, then wrote me on PM to berate me for “writing stuff about her”. The problem was that she wasn’t getting my updates, so she deliberately went to my profile to hunt for stuff. Whenever I asked her to be specific, she would never respond and just leave my messages as “seen”.
We closed the corporation after she neglected to maintain it (her only actual task), and I said I wouldn’t pay all the fines just to keep it alive as we never actually took off. She didn’t wanna pay for it, so bingo! Our contract stated that ALL resources were my contribution and in the event of a cancellation, she had no rights except over her own clients, suppliers and business plans, which were none. I was regularly stalked and harassed for about two years. I learned a hard lesson on not trying to “fix” people.
She kept trying to latch on to me. When I heard that she was coming to my state and attempting to call MY CLIENTS, I decided to take action.
My own client called, very alarmed, and told me that she tried to sell him a business model and that she claimed I was still in business with her. That client is gold, very loyal, and very straight forward.
I had set up a cloud and allowed her to login. I changed the password, altered the entire phonebook data in case she wanted to circumvent and use the contacts for herself. All her calls would go to my switchboard, and removed the few unimportant folders to replace them with multiple “business plan” files. I “casually” mentioned the cloud (that she never used because she left the state) and left it at that. Two weeks later, she began to press me about the password, because she only wanted to read the info again and see if we could still do anything. Yeah right! In the meantime, she booked an appointment at an investor conference. It sounds big, but the conference is very small, only 3-4 people listening to your pitch.
Her first appointment didn’t work out. She showed up and explained in her own words but had no actual material, only scraps of my work, so it was not enough and they never called her. Easy to find out because they post awarded startups on a public website.
The bogus phone book thing didn’t work for too long. She actually got an appointment with Edgard, a guy runs a private accelerator. Edgard and I have a good but distant business relationship. He is excellent as a client but I don't like his peer to peer style. He becomes arrogant and unpleasant when it comes to investing. I don’t need that. He loves to scrutinize, confront and decry. He also has a slight mental or emotional illness. Edgard is very defensive and becomes hostile when he thinks he is being lied to. So, not surprisingly, he called me immediately after reading her plan. He was confused because he is familiar with my model. Edgard and I never went into business together because his overpowering tactics ain’t worth ruining a good relationship with a client. I had already decided to wait a little and then shoulder the whole project cost.
He just wanted to know 1) If I had changed my mind and had decided to include him. He only knew her vaguely as my “partner”. 2) Why was the plan now so different and vague? Did I not trust him or what?
I told him the truth. Not a good idea to play games with a good business client. And while he loves to see blood and all that, I can say he has strong working ethics. He seemed to have taken it personally. I think he thought she was trying to sucker him out of his money by getting his investment on something she hardly comprehended.
This is why I feel this karma/revenge was accidental. I cannot claim to have orchestrated her fate. I did not direct her to him.
He asked me to be reachable when she came in. I was not sure at first, but my husband suggested I do it because we needed to make sure Edgard knew we had zero involvement with her, especially after she had omitted the fact that our corporation had been stricken off. He had a point.
So she went to his office and when she stumbled on her answers, he immediately called me and put me on speaker. To be honest, I declined being physically at the meeting because although I came to despise her, I still felt second hand shame. Her silence was dense. He kept asking and asking. She sounded confused and her voice had an inflection when she greeted me “Oh hi! What a nice surprise!”.
Edgar became more and more impatient, so he switched to video call and his questions came out fast, insistent, his body moving up and down like the battery bunny. I think he feeds on this. I could see Sheila awkwardly putting her computer back in its case and trying to avoid the camera. Her eyes were wide open, her expression looked disgruntled with her lips looking a bit saggy (I don’t know how to better express this) and alternating with a weak side smile. Edgard kept asking questions and she only repeated “ok, I see” and that he was being offensive. He replied that if searching for the truth offended her then she had a problem. She ended up just picking up her stuff under her arm and leaving.
Edgard went back to his cool gentleman thing and thanked me for being available. He asked me to consider partnering but I waited weeks to decline to avoid being obvious. I deleted Sheila from my facebook immediately and finally shut her out of the cloud. I didn’t berate her or take further action because it was too embarrassing already. She gave herself the finger on this one.
submitted by forestcabin123k to accidentalrevenge [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 22:26 NamNguyen56 The US Embassy removed Hoang Sa and Truong Sa from the map of Vietnam

The US Embassy removed Hoang Sa and Truong Sa from the map of Vietnam


The US Embassy removed Hoang Sa and Truong Sa from the map of Vietnam Vietnam (NV) - On September 15, many netizens expressed their dissatisfaction when they discovered that the US Embassy in Hanoi suddenly changed the map of Vietnam without the two Hoang Sa archipelagos. and Truong Sa.
While a day ago, social media raised many comments welcoming the US Embassy posting a map of Vietnam with these two islands.
On the occasion of the 25th anniversary of the establishment of diplomatic relations between the US and the Vietnam Communist Party, on September 8, the US Embassy in Hanoi had an article highlighting important achievements, transforming the former enemy into two " trusted partners in all fields including commerce, education, energy, health, security. In it, there is the slogan "As a reliable partner, we will both prosper in the long term!"
The publication of a map of Vietnam by the US Embassy with the Hoang Sa and Truong Sa archipelagos was speculated to be a way to let Beijing know that the United States denied its "cow's tongue" sovereignty.
As noted by Facebook, the photo map of Vietnam with two archipelagos of Hoang Sa and Truong Sa was replaced by the admin of the US Embassy in Hanoi fanpage in Hanoi around noon September 15.
To clarify this case, the Vietnamese daily sent an email to Ms. Rachael Chen, the press attaché of the US Ambassador to Vietnam, with questions surrounding changing the image of Vietnam with Hoang Sa and Truong Sa on the fan page. . Ms. Chen then responded in English: “Would you please forward this question to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) ? We recommend sending an email to that inbox for the fastest response. ”
We re-sent the email as requested but by the evening of the same day we have not received a response from the US Embassy.
At the same time, many facebookers have left feedback in the comments below the above post. Among them, Facebooker Hoang Phu asked: “Where is our Paracel Islands - Spratly Islands? (Where's our Hoang Sa, Truong Sa? "
Facebooker Le Lieu Huynh commented:" Why can't you see HS-TS [Hoang Sa, Truong Sa], where is it? "
A facebooker with nick name Tam GV asked a question. : "Why is there a map change with and without the two archipelagos of Hoang Sa and Truong Sa of Vietnam? The ambassadors said that it is not Vietnamese, who is it and this is the Is this change having any impact from China or the Viet Cong? "
Many questions with the same content, but people do not see the admin of the fanpage US Embassy in Hanoi answering or explaining the changing of the map Vietnam has two archipelagos of Hoang Sa and Truong Sa.
In another development, the public also noticed that the US Embassy in Hanoi did not comment on the Dong Tam trial, under which there were two death sentences and a life sentence for two sons. and grandson Le Dinh Kinh.
As was customary in previous years, after the Vietnamese communist authorities' trials of dissidents or activists, the US Embassy quickly issued a statement expressing concerns about human rights.
According to observers, on the 25th anniversary of the establishment of US-Vietnam diplomatic relations, US diplomatic officials in Vietnam "avoided" mentioning the theme of "human rights" that Hanoi has always considered " sensitive. "
submitted by NamNguyen56 to u/NamNguyen56 [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 21:31 Maddcatt420 I need to vent and Facebook isn’t the place for this and I’m not trying to burden my family with this emotional rant.

I’ve been separated from the father of my children for a little over a year now. It was a toxic relationship both Physical and Verbal. He’s a drug user and alcoholic, pretty much anyone that offers him from heroin to prescription meds he will do it all. At the start of our relationship I was the same way I was heavy into drinking after getting off of work and was getting addicted to Vicodin at the time. That’s how we bonded,very unhealthy from the start. When I found out I was pregnant I got sober and hoping he’d do the same. No such luck,he continued to party and get high fast forward through this all, another daughter later and 4 years, I’ve become fed up and cold towards him. He’s called me everything under the sun,he’s put his hands on me through out this time verbally assaulted our children, while also flinching and intimidating them as well. I decided after an incident after work where he threatens to beat me down and tells me to get the hell out of the house because he’s still in bed at 3pm and the girls have clearly been neglected, I called him out on this and he goes off. I could no longer wait for him to get on the right path and get his ish together and the girls didn’t deserve this treatment from him. I leave, pack up what I could and head to my mothers at the time. I’m married now and moved to a different town. It’s a much more stable home life,sober living and all positive energy surrounding my girls and I. -this is where I want to vent and see if anyone can relate,I hold bitterness and resentment towards my ex. (I love my husband he’s a good man and been wonderful to the girls and I.) But I still hold on to this coldness that my ex didn’t get what he deserves for all he put the girls and I through. He’s still being taken care of by his family,still having bills paid for and money just given to him,still able to party his life away has not asked about his girls but one time. Hasn’t seen them In almost a year,nor wants too. Does nothing finically for them but I don’t know why I expect that since he doesn’t work. I don’t like the fact that he’s painted this picture of me that Ive been the awful person and he gets sympathy for it. He wasn’t a good father then and definitely hasn’t tried to be one now. I’ve pretty much been raising these girls by myself from the start just recently have I felt what it’s like having a true partner in raising children together. I just feel he deserves to pay and that he doesn’t deserve to carry on like he’s done nothing wrong. Does anyone else feel this way towards their ex? This cold/bitter feeling and I just can’t shake it. Again I love my husband and I’ve moved on in that way for-sure. But it’s just like why hasn’t he been punished? And why do I feel this way. They say forgive and forget but I just can’t yet. I’m angry still and annoyed and want to go off but I don’t, until here recently it’s all been boiling up and I don’t want to take my personal torment to Facebook and blast it to our family and friends. I’m too old for that. And I really have no one to talk to about these feelings.
submitted by Maddcatt420 to Rants [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 21:30 cscqsim_repostbot A /r/cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

A /cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

With our final school year beginning, we were reflecting on how lost and confused we were when we first started university. We made a lot of mistakes (still am) along the way, but we’re in a much better place after learning from them and constantly putting ourselves out there. In hopes of shining some light and helping others, we decided to make a comprehensive guide for university students – based on our knowledge/experiences - on how to start your successful CS Career (or gain the wisdom to avoid CS altogether, more on this later).
rishiss Background: I am a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Software Engineering. I am an incoming Software Engineer at a F100 company (received return offer after interning this summer). Before that, I interned at an R & D center for space, a small cloud company, and a small IT company. I have a 3.65 GPA, won a few awards at startup competitions/hackathons, and remain pretty active in my schools CS organizations.
chaitu65c Background: I’m a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Computer Science. I’m currently a SWE Intern at a Unicorn and just wrapped up my 2nd internship at a Live Streaming Company(you can most likely tell who they are if you browse my history LOL). Before this, I interned at my school’s IT department, did research under a professor, and worked on a few small startups that other UCI students were building. I have a 3.3 GPA, won some awards along rishiss and was pretty active in my school’s CS clubs.
Disclaimer: “But rishiss/ and chaitu65c, you don’t work at a Big N, go to a target CS school, why should I take your advice?” You’re absolutely right; we are, by no means, ‘up there’ like some other folks on this sub. And, you don’t have to take our advice! Simply close this tab and do whatever else you want 😊. Our intent is to guide and prepare uni students for a CS career they enjoy, not work at Big N or get the highest TC. Life is much more than a dick-measuring contest, and the earlier you learn that the better.
We have also created a guide with our own personal advice/stories

Please, take this advice with a grain of salt. we’re not Tony Robinson or Tim Apple, we’re just two random reddit users.

Table of Contents:

This guide is divided into the following sections:

Is CS Right For Me?

The way we see it, there’s 3 types of people pursuing CS.
  1. Those who know CS isn’t for them – They’re in it for the money, to appease their parents, for a minorequirement, some external factor. They hated programming while taking the introductory CS course and just try to get done with their class/degree ASAP.
Advice: The majority of people who fall under this usually burn out quickly, as they aren’t motivated enough to learn the material and to apply themselves. This usually leads to them cheating and getting kicked out of their major, minor, or university altogether. Even if you manage to earn a degree, we've seen a large number of these folks endure a 'pre-mature' mid-life crisis or simply get fired from their jobs. Before you even start this major, you should definitely understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and you do have to put in a lot of effort to succeed. If this isn’t your cup of tea, definitely look into switching into another major you like.
Some folks are really passionate about technology, but don't want to pursue an entire Computer Science major or see themselves as Software Engineers. That's completely ok! Try looking into related majors or minors. We know many students who switched from CS to majors like Informatics, Business Information Management, and Economics and are thriving in tech-related roles like Data Analytics, Product Management, UI/UX Design, and Technical Recruiting. CS is not (and should not be) for everyone, and there is no shame in having the wisdom quit and move on.
  1. Those who don’t know if CS is for them – Where most of the CS community is IMO. These folks (like me, rishiss) are riddled with something called Imposter Syndrome: “the constant feeling of not being good enough or knowing enough to do your job well.”
Advice: For students, really take the time to learn and be open to anything you go through. Try sticking it out until you've taken a Data Structures course, one of the harder, more important courses out there. If you're not understanding the material or just aren't having fun with it, it’s definitely ok to switch majors/careers. Otherwise, CS just might be the career for you! Give it your best shot!
Admittedly, it's hard to provide stronger insight to overcoming Imposter Syndrome, as I am afflicted by it as well. For me, my IS derives from constantly comparing myself to others and confusing inexperience with incompetency. As such, I continue to work and focus on myself and take baby steps towards smaller goals I set out for myself. Knowing that I've put the effort to improve myself by just 1% everyday has made me a lot more confident.
  1. Those who know for a fact CS is for them – The diamonds in the rough. Learning and practicing CS material gives them a euphoric high.
Advice: Broaden your scope and learn new areas of CS! Who knows, you might find another new field that you really want to work in. Other than that, definitely make new friends regardless of whether they’re a CS major or not. Even try pursuing other hobbies like weightlifting, reading, dancing, or even public speaking. Don't limit yourself!

Freshman Year

We recommend not taking more than 3-4 classes in your first quartesemester, as you shouold keep an ample amount of time to go to professional/social events, make new friends and hang out with them, and pursue your interests.
We've seen a lot of freshmen (and upperclassmen) CS folks get cooped up in their dorm rooms playing video games and watching TV. We understand that these two are a passion for many, but please be cautious to not get consumed by them.
You have the privilege of pursuing higher education, making valuable connections/memories, and setting up your CS career in the trajectory you want. This year is the best year to take advantage of all that university has to offer; make the most of it.
One of the best ways to get involved in your school’s/region’s CS community is by joining clubs like ACM and WICS and participating in hackathons (see ‘Hackathon’ section below). Try pursuing internships and positions in these organizations and events as well!
One, major issue we see with freshmen (even upperclassmen) is their ignorance on all the avenues available in the CS Industry. So we’ve tried to narrow it down (not exhaustive).
  1. Cyber Security Engineer
  2. Front-End Web Developer
  3. Backend Web Developer
  4. UI/UX Designer
  5. DevOps/Cloud/Site-Reliability Engineers
  6. Mobile Engineer
  7. QA Engineer
  8. Product Manager
  9. Data Scientist (Machine Learning/AI)
  10. Embedded Software Engineer
  11. Systems Administrator
  12. Database Administrator (The Wizards)
  13. Networking Engineer
  14. Hardware Engineer
  15. OS Developer
  16. Video Game Developer
  17. Solutions Architect/Sales EngineeTechnical Account Manager
As a freshman, definitely take the time and see if you can picture yourself doing any of the listed fields. You should open yourself to all facets of CS and not just the “hot field” like Data Science and Machine Learning. Choosing a field because it’s “exciting” will usually lead to bad results as usually, other people are thinking just like you and will lead to over-saturation.
Our recommendation is to select the top 5 fields that have piqued your interest and experiment with the field. For example, if you are interested in Mobile App Development, try learning how to build an Android app from the ground up. A simple weather app or alarm clock is completely suitable for a first project/prototype. This lets you understand what skills you would need for this field and can serve as a forecast as to what your career would look like.
You should definitely look for an internship. Ignore the people that tell you to wait until you’re a junior, as it’s going to be very hard to get an internship if you don’t have any experience. Common places that most students don’t realize are available are usually IT departments at your school and even research with professors. Researching is highly recommended as you can definitely learn more about a field you can be interested in and if you’re interested in graduate school, that’s going to be a letter of recommendation that you can ask for.
If you’re considered a minority in Computer Science, look into first and second year internship programs as they’re meant to help you succeed. Here’s some programs that come to mind:
Google STEP
Microsoft Explore
Amazon Future Engineer
Uber STARInternhip
Facebook University
Another way to get internships is to research into smaller companies in your area. If the company is very small (<100 employees), consider reaching out to the CEO on LinkedIn. They might be able to help you! Also, take advantage of university recruiting websites like Handshake to see companies that directly hire from your school. More info on how to get an internship in the ‘Searching for an Internship’ section.

Sophomore Year

Now that you have basic programming knowledge, create your own website or GitHub account and start contributing to them with small personal projects. Nobody expects you to make a full-stack MERN project hosted and scaled on AWS at this stage. Focus instead on clean code, learning a framework or two on a language you like, and creating a small, robust feature. Grow from there!
If you weren’t able to find an internship/research opportunity as a freshman, community involvement, projects, and hackathons become especially important, as they are a great way to make you stand out on your resume and to recruiters when you reapply. As you brush up on your skills, apply again, and try your luck out.

Data Structures and Algorithms

In addition, you are most likely to take a Data Structures and Algorithms course this year. Make sure you are focusing on this class and writing good notes; you will need this knowledge when interviewing for internships and full-time jobs in the near future. Here is a link to our DS and A course (in C++) for reference

Junior Year

As a junior, companies are more willing to hire you for an internship, as they are likely to convert you into a full-time employee after graduating. This transition process is much easier than interviewing, and they'll usually offer you a higher compensation package if they want to convert you to a full-time employee. As you now should have knowledge of Data Structures and Algorithms, we highly recommend looking into coding interview prep sites like LeetCode and HackerRank or purchasing a prep book like CTCI or EPI (advanced).
Continue to attend hackathons, remain active in clubs/organizations, and grow your portfolio.
Classes will be much harder; expect the time for completing projects to double and the content covered to be much more difficult. We recommend taking no more than 2-3 upper-division CS courses and balancing your load with 1-2 GE classes. You should not be taking more than 16 units (assuming 4 units per course).
Start to get an idea of what field in CS you would like to pursue. Research what it takes to be successful in that field. You can do so by looking up job postings with that title on LinkedIn and looking at the requested skill set or take a look at Roadmap.sh. If you want to learn more about a related skill set and your school doesn't offer a course, consider picking up a class on udemy.com.

Senior Year

Focus heavily on your senior capstone, project classes, etc. as they're the last thing you can put on your resume before applying for full time. By now, you should have at least 3 polished, working projects on your GitHub that you can easily talk about with your recruiter. Preferably, they're aligned with the CS field you wish to enter.
If you were able to get a return offer from an internship, congrats! However, don’t immediately sign the offer. Once you have an offer, you should still try to interview at companies that you’re interested in by the deadline of the time to accept the offer. A good way of doing this is to reach out to a University recruiter for that company and explain the deadline you have. Usually, they’re really helpful and can potentially help skip interviews that you were supposed to do!
In addition, if your friends were able to intern at places you’re interested in, definitely ask for a referral or to send your resume to their recruiter. This usually reduces the risk of being ghosted by that company and increases your chances of getting hired!
Once you finally sign, definitely take the time to relax and enjoy. Just make sure you pass your classes and stay out of trouble

Classes:

What Classes should I take?

Should Already be Required:

Must Take:

Good to Have

How do I succeed in these classes?

rishiss: You’re more than likely coughing up hundreds, if not thousands, to attend university. It makes no sense to not take full advantage of the course and course staff.
The way I take notes: I learn from examples; I want to enter my code into the IDE to see what happens. I do a three way split; Google Docs on the left, IDE on top right and terminal (to compile, see output, make new file, etc) on bottom left. I note down the date and topic of the lecture and write questions I have in the comments on Docs. I make sure to highlight important information and possible test questions. I even share the link with friends!

In the quarters where I followed the steps above, I never got a grade lower than an A-.

Dealing with Bad Professors

During your time in college, you’re likely going to have at least one bad professor that might make it worse if you have to go to class. If that’s the case, it’s definitely fine to not go to class (as long as it’s not mandatory). However, if you do decide not to go, you must make sure you learn the material, so you won’t be behind on the coursework and studying for tests. In addition, you should be doing something productive on the side. If you don’t go to class and spend the time watching Netflix or playing video games, you’re losing time that you can spend on something that might be fun and can help you in the long run.

You can take Graduate Courses!?

chaitu65c: A highly underutilized set of courses you can take would be graduate courses. Graduate courses are usually very specialized in certain fields. If you were able to take all the undergraduate courses you wanted and still have spare classes to fill out, I'd recommend researching into taking Graduate courses! They’re a good way to build out your specialization and learn new, cool stuff! In addition, if you’re looking for classes to reach the required number of CS courses needed, your CS department might allow you to make the course count towards your degree!

Projects

They're super important.

How do I succeed in class projects?

Personal Projects and your CS Career

rishiss: Projects are your saving grace, especially if you are lacking work experience. They show technical aptitude, willingness to take initiative, and leadership. I’ve seen people with only projects on their resume get positions at the Big N. Projects are good ways to expand your knowledge of CS as the possibilities are endless! It is best to have a variety of projects dealing with a variety of technologies. As such, you can open yourself up to more positions and have more talking points during the interview.
I tend to edit the ‘Project’ Section of my resume with relevant projects and technologies. For instance, if I made a full stack web application and applied to a DevOps organization, I would highlight my AWS, CI/CD, and Terraform experiences more than my React/Node js work.
It is recommend the project is about something that motivates you and are passionate about e.g. video games, movies, books, sports, etc., as it is very easy to give up half way due to stress or lack of motivation/interest.
Like anything else in Computer Science, projects require you to break it down into smaller pieces. Start with the end in mind and draw out the intended architecture/functionalities. Start with what you know and research on the parts you don't know after that. You will be using these skills often in industry for any project/feature planning.
Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all you need to make a successful personal project. Don't make excuses and get coding!

Open Source Contributions

If you’ve ever noticed popular github repositories such as torvalds/linux, these are repositories where people from all over the world can report issues with it and someone can fix it. If you are able to make a contribution to a huge open source repository, it looks really good on your resume.

Hackathons

What are Hackathons?

Hackathons are large scale coding events, where students from around the area come together and collaborate - usually in teams of 4 (but you can go solo or with a partner!) - to build some software. Companies like Amazon, Northrop Grumman, Google, and Twilio sponsor awards related to best use of their technology. After 24 - 48 hours of intensive coding, participants submit their projects, whether it be an Android video game, Chrome Extension, productivity web app, etc. Submissions are shared with the companies and other hackathon organizers, where they select the best projects and award teams with swag like keyboards, gift cards, and even summer internships at their company.
Participating in hackathons are one of the best ways to hone your coding skills, network with companies and other students, and get free comfy T-shirts. It is also one of the best ways to gain industry knowledge, as representatives from these companies and hackathon organizers create numerous workshops and answer any questions you may have. Winning awards at these hackathons are also great resume boosters and talking points during interviews.
The biggest hackathon organizer is Major League Hacking. Visit their website, and you can see all the hackathons (remote or local) they are partnered with. Make to be on the lookout for application release dates from the hackathons and apply early.
With Covid, you may miss out on the free goodies and the in-person networking with students and professionals. However, most hackathons are accepting many more applicants due to it being virtual/remote this year.

What Should I Do At Hacakathons?

Take advantage of the resources available at hackathons. You’re attending a mini CS conference and should be, besides coding, networking with professionals, learning about the different companies, attending workshops, asking technical/non-technical questions to mentors, and getting as much free shit as you can get. Besides T-Shirts, companies give out vouchers to their services, applications to their internship and full-time positions, pillows, notebooks, water bottles, sweaters, and even backpacks.
If you’re looking to get an award, judges at hackathons care a lot about the pitch and the idea rather than the actual execution of the idea. Having an idea beforehand is also helpful, so you can spend your time focusing on the MVP.

Friends and Networking

chaitu65c: I think it’s definitely useful if you have two different friend groups: One dedicated to career and Non-Career Group.
Career Group - When making a friend group dedicated to career, try to be the dumbest person in the group, you’re definitely going to learn a lot from them as you soak up knowledge! Best ways of meeting friends who are career-driven can be through major specific orientation (actually how I met rishiss), courses, major related clubs, etc.
Non-Career Group - While having a group that motivates you for your career is important, it’s also important to have another friend group that can help you relax and to enjoy your time! A really good way to find these friend groups can be anywhere from your hall to General Education courses, social clubs like Circle K, fraternities/ sororities(if that’s your cup of tea) and others!
This is what has worked for us; no need to follow this exact format.

Resume

rishiss: Here are the few take-aways on writing a resume that gets through the ATS.

Searching for Internships

Searching for internships in CS is really different and harder from searching for internships in other professions. CS internship interview processes are often longer and much more technical on what you have learned as a CS major. We've prepped 2-3 months beforehand on CS concepts, whiteboarding, etc.

Timeline

This timeline primarily focuses on large, non-government/defense companies or competitive startups. This also assume you are applying for a summer internship.
August - September: Applications are opened to the public. Make sure to look out for positions and apply early, as most companies admit students on a rolling basis. A site that we used often is Apply.fyi. After applying, you may receive an automated (< 48 hours) invitation to complete an Online Assessment, consisting of multiple choice and/or coding questions about Data Structures, Algorithms, and Run Time Complexity. You will have usually 1-2 weeks to complete the assessment. Please that you may be rejected if you are not able to pass 90% of the questions on the assessment: Please also note that you may be instantly rejected due to things out of your control like years of experience, cancellation of internship, internal corporate issues, and more. Don't take rejections too seriously; just keep applying!
October - November: After passing the resume screen and the OA, you will be contacted by the company's recruiter for a phone screen. During the screen, you will probably be asked a few confirmation questions about your resume, sponsorship, years of experience with X, etc. and minor behavioral questions like what made you apply for this position, what are you pursuing outside of class, etc. You may also receive questions about your CS fundamentals e.g. what is a hashtable, whats the difference between a process and a thread, what is the runtime complexity of sorting a string, etc. As long as you're cool and confident (and not cringe/edgy), this part should be a breeze.
November - Mid January: If you made it through the two Thanos snaps, you will be invited to an onsite “Power-Day,” where interviewees attend 2-4 whiteboard interviews while being grilled on their technical skills and projects. Some companies make applicants go through a panel interview, where a team of 2-5 Software Engineers grill you on technical questions and your resume. You are often pampered with free travel, food, stipends, etc.
December - February: If you were deemed a good fit by the hiring committee, you will be extended an offer to intern at the company during the upcoming summer for 10-12 weeks. Remember, nothing is final until you receive an offer letter in your inbox. Some companies may also place you on a wait-list and offer you a spot if someone were to reject their offer letter.
For government orgs, defense companies, and smaller organizations, the recruiting season starts in February/March and usually ends in April and May. After applying online and passing the resume screen, you will usually be immediately pushed to an on-site interview. Most likely, you will be interviewing with your future boss/co-worker.
Please note that internships are not only offered in the summer, they are provided in the Fall, Winter, and Spring (rare) as well. The competition for these internships is usually lower, and the process usually starts 3-4 months beforehand.

How to get the Interview

Besides following resume tips, make sure to apply to as many places as you can. To get our first internships, we recall applying to approximately 250-300 places before we secured our internship plans for that summer. Also, if you do get ghosted, don’t take it personally, usually, university recruiters often spend so much time reviewing a lot of applications.
Other precautions to take to get noticed are to try attending career fairs if you can, you might be able to get an interview(worst case, free swag!). Other than that, try reaching out to upperclassmen or friends you know that interned and ask for referrals. It’s one of the best ways to get noticed!

What to expect

As part of the interview process, there’s 4 types of interviews that you should make sure you know.
Behavioral Interview: These interviews ask you questions about culture fit such as “Why are you a good candidate” and “Tell me about a time when you ...”
Coding/Technical Interview: These interviews ask you questions similar to what you see on Leetcode and Hackerrank. These interviews are designed to test your Data Structures and Algorithms knowledge.
System Design: System Design involves the interviewer testing your building to design a service/software and test your knowledge of understanding what things to use for the task and how you will integrate them together. You’re definitely not expected to know this and it’s not likely you’re gonna get asked this. Places that could ask you this are Unicorns, Trading Companies and Hedge Funds, and Big Established Companies.
Concurrency/Low Level Interviews: If the company’s biggest product involves low level principles such as networking principles and kernel stuff, there’s a possibility you can get asked this. Places that come to mind are hardware companies and trading firms.
Some companies may adopt only one of these interviews and some may adopt all.

How to Ace the Interview

It’s highly recommended that you look up the interview experiences that other students have faced so that you can potentially filter out companies with red flags and know what questions to expect. Common sources to search up on this would be Reddit (csMajors and cscareerquestions), Jumpstart (Relatively new portal for students), Glassdoor and maybe Blind (Aside from the toxic TC or GTFO culture, they do give good advice on interviews). With that said, here’s some advice we have when you approach each kind of interview we’ve seen.

Advice on Behavioral Interviews

Use the STAR method when describing your experiences. Being quantifiable with the impact of your actions will impress the interviewer.

Advice on Technical Interviews

Begin by reviewing your notes from the Data Structures and Algorithms class. Do not proceed further until you know how to implement these DS and As from scratch with the language of your choice(If you do know python, it’s recommended as there’s a lot of builtin features!). After doing so, we highly recommend a book like CTCI and EPI to gain a review on programming language details and your DS and As. Then, visit sites like LeetCode to practice real questions from major companies. A Facebook Engineer completed 600 LC problems and compiled the most important ones into a list here. During the interview, make sure to talk out loud about possible approaches and tradeoffs before whiteboarding. It is perfectly acceptable (often recommended) to ask the interviewer to ask questions about the problem and get clarification. Once you have an idea in mind and have talked about it with your interviewer, begin whiteboarding. While you talk about the final idea you want to use, write out pseudo code and comments about all the steps you need to implement in order to finish coding your solution. After that, start coding. Make sure to have proper function headers, syntax, spacing, classes/structs, imports, etc. After coding your solution, give a brief explanation and attempt to make it run with less space and in less time (if your solution is not as efficient as you think it can be).

Advice on System Design

These are somewhat hard to approach if you don’t have experience ever doing it. If you do have experience designing and building services in your spare time and as part of your work experience, definitely rely on your experience. An important thing is to definitely ask clarifying questions. There might be hidden requirements you didn’t think about that could drastically change the way you approach the solution.

Advice on Concurrency/Low level

Understand basic principles such as Processes vs Threads (A lot of people don’t know the difference!)TCP vs UDP and how to make an application thread safe. Other than that, it’s recommended that you familiarize yourself with basic OS concepts such as Deadlocks, locks that you can utilize to make an application thread safe, etc.

Searching for Full Time Jobs:

The big bucks.
The process for finding a Full-Time Job is usually very similar to finding an Internship. There’s three main differences are:
  1. Harder Questions. Ex: Google usually asks Leetcode Mediums to Hards + the special Leetcode Hard question that Google asks it’s applicants (they create a new one every year).
  2. More Rounds of Interviewing: For example, Microsoft makes interns do 2 rounds while New Grads do 4 rounds during the onsite part of the process.
  3. Compensation: Interns usually get an hourly rate and, possibly, a housing stipend. New grads, however, are given a yearly salary and, possibly, a sign-on bonus, stocks, and benefits e.g. health insurance, vacation days, etc.
The process for finding a Full-time Job won’t really change as much as finding an internship, but keep in mind that the bar is higher. This is probably the biggest reason why you should look into interning early; by getting an offer at the place you like, you don’t need to go through the daunting process of finding a full-time role.
Get as many offers as you can this time around, so you can negotiate and select the position, company, compensation, and location that works best for you.

Negotiation

Negotiation is a really powerful tool that you can use in the interview process, even as an intern. There’s a lot of guides to negotiation and we recommend Nick Singh’s guide (Look at his LinkedIn and newsletters) for more.

Final Thoughts

University is a probably the most important time of your life and a foundational block of your CS Career. Like any foundation, it must be sturdy and takes a tremendous amount and energy of time to develop. Take advantage of all the resources (like this one) you can get your hands on. Definitely learn from the mistakes people have made and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish’ - Steve Jobs
Original
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2020.09.17 21:04 mr_tyler_durden Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 17, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 17, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Register for your Absentee Ballot here!
Watch here:
Headlines
Full Notes
(continued in stickied comment)
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2020.09.17 20:49 Asantos1234 Fatherhood, the truth that no one wants to see, speak or assume

For some common years of being interested in DNA testing, I have always been fascinated with history, and being honest with the idea of ​​discovering various facts about my ancestors is very good. One of the first reports to help adopted people who meet their biological Parents again, and many of them have a happy ending, others not so much.
The stories that scare me the most are people like Jerry and his kids, people who have no idea they have no blood tie, people who are mistaken, that's how I want to talk.
I know that a bond between a Father and son is not only made by blood, there are people who have it and in no way feel connected, there are people who are family by adoption, by love and could not be more Father and son at all good senses, but stories like Jerry's make me furious, afraid and even afraid of having children one day, which is a dream.
How can anyone deceive such a person? How does someone make the decision to not only betray, cheat and still lead you to believe that you are a Father in every way? Because there is a difference here, Jerry did not choose to "adopt" the boys, and the most frightening thing is that his case is not unique.
A man named Richard Mason discovered that he was not the biological Father of the 3 children, his ex wife did not want to name the "donor", he was already divorced when he made the discovery, just like Jerry, the boys were already adults, the pension was already had been paid. Source: DailyMail
In reports that can be found on Youtube, if you search: DNA Test NPE (Not Parent Expected), you will find several stories, from the children's point of view, and through the reports you see the emotional and psychological damage they face because of the discovery.
Here, on Reddit there are several stories like this, reports that honestly, I ask God for lies, the saddest thing so far is a man who discovers that he is not the biological Father of 2 of the 3 children, only the youngest is his, the wife confesses an extra marital relationship with her neighbor for 4 years, he was the Father. You find this story on the Surviving Infidelity page with the title: ([NeedSuport] New to this sub- absolutely devastated and completely lost) Read everything and then tell me, what would you say to someone in a situation like this?
These cases, stories, are of people who did not make that choice, people who were betrayed and deceived, someone who because I totally trust never dream of dissolving my partner, imagine discovering that someone has betrayed you for years, lied to you and you created that time a whole child that you probably wouldn't have raised? Is it the child's fault? NO! I feel a great pity for these Parents and children who make these discoveries, in many stories it is possible to see that the Mother refuses to speak any information about the biological Father, or to talk about the betrayal itself, in England there was a case where the man he discovered that he was not the biological father of an 8-year-old boy and sued and legally the woman was not required to reveal who the donor of the genetic material was.
In many countries, doctors and nurses at the time of delivery, even though they know that man is not the Biological Father, he cannot tell him, this is horrible in every way, no person, be it the man who faces this situation, or the woman who she doesn't know that her husband has children outside of marriage, they deserve it, I don't question the love you feel for the child, I raise the question that society seems to accept this without saying anything.
There is not much research on this subject, the only one was done in the United Kingdom and it shows that 1 man at home 25 is raising a child that is not his biological one without his knowledge.
The emotional and psychological damage generated in parents and children in such cases is never shown, even in the media when a character discovers the fright it is quickly pushed under the rug, "nothing changes" but, what about moving? What if this man cannot love the same way? What if the child / adult decides that he wants a father bond only with the biological Father?
The consequences of this are shown in the lives of people who often did not appear on television, who did not give interviews in the newspaper, people you do not even see on the bus, on the train, people who are often so ashamed, betrayed that they take their own life , men who do not want a relationship with the child anymore, because they face panic attacks, or simply because they do not want to, which I understand, I do not say that I agree.
This is not a reflection of what I think of women in general, just in terms of those who lied about it. How can they not feel remorse? Fault? In several reports, mothers do not talk about it, refuse to give any information, manipulate emotionally and face no legal consequences, many men are forced to pay child support. There are people all over the world who are getting involved with blood relatives without knowing, half brothers dating because they don't have this information.
I may be wrong, but I see everyone facing consequences, except women and men (donor) who know the whole truth and lie to protect themselves from any consequences.
If you are reading this and you did it, please tell the truth, don't play games with anyone anymore, whatever reason you're telling yourself just protects yourself, and it's not a sign of love and a sign of selfishness.
Signed, a Brazilian who does not know everything, but tries to learn.
Sources: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P8inMpdiW_Q
Watch from 05:00 and see Jerry's story ☝️
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6MvnQPP6I20
Children's point of view.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lJnNZzEYv1s
Creator of the Facebook group for NPE☝️
https://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/01/06/father-learnt-three-sons-not-biologically-20-years-calls-mystery/ amp /
Richard Mason ☝️
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2020.09.17 20:36 MyFunny098 I Fell In Love With An Abusive Woman

I’m an abuse victim, and I’m not ashamed, or afraid to talk about it. Here’s my story:
Quite a few months ago, I entered into a relationship with – and fell deeply in love with a woman who I thought was my soulmate, the love of my life, and the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and the feeling appeared to be mutual (more on that later).
Up until that point, I had NEVER met anyone as intriguing, politically and emotionally aware, sexy, intelligent, supportive, loving, tactile, affectionate, caring, generous, sincere, emotionally available/open/expressive as her, and before meeting her, I thought I knew what ‘true, unconditional love,’ was.
I was wrong about that. I didn’t. But I do now…
The level of love, compatibility, chemistry, deep understanding, comradery, deep connection, conversation, shared vision, and physical/sexual attraction and chemistry we had was far beyond anything I had ever experienced before, and according to her, and based on the way she behaved, it appeared that she felt the same way.
In fact, she was quite verbal about her love for me, as well as showing me by her actions that she felt the same way – from her tactile(ness) to her generosity – to the way she looked at me, spoke to me, and touched me. Her voice. Her gaze. Her touch – it was like being in a hypnotic trance. The only way I can describe it is ‘purely electrifying.’
Maybe the Hollywood films were real after all…
Unfortunately, my ‘soulmate’ had previously been in abusive marriage for 10 years. She converted to Islam at the age of 18, married an Islamic gentleman at 19, had two children quite young, and had moved to Dubai. They met at University, but she quit the course because she fell pregnant and left the country in her 2nd year.
After ten years of abuse from him, she finally hatched an escape plan, fled the country with her lovely two children, converted back to Atheism, and moved back in with her mum for three years. That was 5 years ago.
Since then, she had completed her social work training, became a Senior Social Worker, got her own place, and it was like a palace in there. I was truly gobsmacked, and inspired at what she’d achieved considering the circumstances, and I have never seen a woman mother her children the way she mothered hers. It blew me away.
She has done an incredible job with her children, she really has. I was flabbergasted. Something was evidently different about this woman, and as far as I was concerned, she ticked every box I had, and she threw a few bonus ones in there, too.
It was obvious by how things were going that what we had was something quite special, and that this was going somewhere, which I knew was a big deal for her (and me), because since her divorce 5 years ago, she had NEVER let another man sleep in the same bed as her (understandably based on what she’d been through with her husband), and she had certainly never introduced another man to her children. No chance.
In fact, according to her, up until she’d met me, ‘no man had earned that privilege,’ because ‘no man’ had demonstrated they they truly understood her, respected her, and had the qualities she was looking for in a partner and in a step father.
And then I came along and changed that, which obviously was a bit of an ego boost.
I very quickly built up a close, strong bond with her two beautiful daughters, and I treated them as my own, and bit by bit, I gradually moved in with her, to the point where I would spend weeks and weeks with her and her children, and to be honest – I’ve never experienced happiness and a ‘homely’ feeling like it. It was bliss.
She told me that:
– She has never loved anyone as much she loves me. In fact, according to her, I’m the only man she has ever ‘truly loved.’ She knew I felt the same way about her, too. – ‘No man’ has ever truly understood her and treated her with respect. – ‘No man’ has ever sexually satisfied her to the point I did (which is steep coming from a woman that has had a lot of sexual partners prior to me, only to be ‘disappointed’ by them). Based on the way she was during and after sex, it was evident that she wasn’t lying about that.
Eventually, she asked me if I’d like to move in with her…
The answer was obvious. I couldn’t bare to be without her. And it was clear that neither could she. Every time I tried to leave, she would persuade me to stay longer, and when I eventually did leave, she’d cry in my shoulders, telling me that she felt sick to see me go, and the tension in that car journey home was always a sombre one.
We struggled to be without each other, and when we finally reunited, it was a relief, and the pain went away. It was truly magical, and some of the happiest memories of my life (as sad as this may sound, considering the crazy life I have lived, and all that I have achieved) are the silliest, smallest, and most trivial things.
I miss cooking with her. I miss hanging the washing out with her when the sun was out. That smile she gave me, whilst I was hanging those clothes up. It was like she gazed right through my soul.
Those bright red, purple and pink lips. That cute vintage dress.
I miss the awkward sexual tension we had when we gazed into each other’s eyes over the dinner table, and the constant flirtatiousness that quite literally – never went away.
In fact, I met her online, and after texting for 4 weeks, we finally met up, and I kissed her 3 seconds into our first date, and she grabbed my hand so tight. I knew right then that this was going to be different to my previous relationships.
I miss waking up to her. I miss her silliness. I miss her daughters. I miss the incredible family days-out we had. In fact, I just miss everything about her – or at least, I miss the person I THOUGHT she was.
And then it all went Pete Tong.
The last time I stayed at her house, we had a month together planned. Her ex husband was taking the kids away for two weeks, and we had a holiday planned. We were going to see her Dad and her sister. I was so excited to finally meet them, after getting quite close with her mum.
Tuesday: 3 days in to what was supposed to be an amazing trip, and my last visit before I was due to move to her local area, she abruptly gave me 10 minutes to pack my bags.
I asked her why she wanted to take me home, and she didn’t answer. I packed my bags. We got in the car, and I asked her what was going on, and I got nothing except for a cold, emotionless, bitter-looking face. It was horrid. I’d never seen her like that before. Normally, she was warm and bubbly.
Before I got out of the car, she told me that she wished I’d have been ‘more helpful around the house.’ I had hoovered the whole house that day, blitzed the living room the night before, hung the washing out, cooked, cleaned the shower, and so much more, so it didn’t make sense to me.
The next day, she blocked me on Facebook, without even notifying me. I texted her, and she responded with ‘good luck with everything.’ That was all I got. It was one of the most shocking, traumatic and painful things I have ever dealt with, and that is steep coming from someone who has been homeless 4 times, and has quite literally starved, and had severe, multi-layered, complex PTSD.
I left it a week and I called her. She answered, and she said that she’s ‘really sad that it hasn’t worked out.’ I asked her why she felt that way, and she didn’t give me much of an answer, and she asked me to not contact her again. Maybe I should have listened. But I didn’t. I was confused, hurt, and I wasn’t thinking straight.
I left it a few more weeks, and then I sent an empowering letter saying everything that I wanted to say to her, and I read it to 4 women to make sure that I’d got it right, and all 4 of them cried, so I knew it was perfect. But there was no response. Then I found out that she had blocked me on everything else – Whatsapp, LinkedIn, the lot.
Maybe I should have gotten the hint at that point.
Once again, I didn’t. I was still in pain. I had cried multiple times a day for over a month. It was the most painful thing I’d ever been through. I felt like all I wanted was answers, but because I didn’t have them, I found it hard to move on.
So I called her one last time, and she answered (which I was surprised about, as I thought she would have blocked my phone number at this point). And here’s how that conversation went:
‘Why the fuck are you calling me?’
I said, ‘because I’m confused as to why you behaved the way you did, why you’ve cut me out, and why you’ve given me no answers, and I’m ringing up to ask you some questions to get some well-deserved closure so I can move on with my life.’
‘It’s not my responsibility to give you closure. I can’t believe you’re fucking ringing me again.’
I said, ‘I assume you didn’t get my letter?’
‘Stop sending me fucking letters. I don’t want your fucking letters. I don’t care about them.’
I said, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong. There’s no need to speak to me like that. All I’ve ever done is respect you and your children, and now you feel the need to treat me like an object and speak to me like this?’
‘Don’t ever contact me ever again.’
She then hung up.
Surprisingly, I felt the most enormous relief after that phone call, because up until that point, I had never got an answer as to why she behaved the way she did, but now I did. I had my answer. She is a narcissistic, damaged, abusive sociopath.
It was obvious by her response that she didn’t care about how much she’d hurt me, wasn’t willing to give me what I needed to move on, and had a lack of empathy, and a complete disregard for me and how she’d made me feel. Really, she just answered the phone so she could attack me again.
Prior to that call, I had spent weeks analysing my behaviour and questioning myself, and beating myself up about it, and I’m starting to wonder whether she knew I’d do that, and maybe she got some satisfaction out of it – and that’s why she did it.
Maybe she liked it when I came crawling back for ‘answers,’ because it gave her a little powecontrol trip. Maybe that’s why she deprived me of what she knew I needed.
What I’m coming to realise is that I fell in love with an abusive partner, which is surprising, considering that she’d been in an abusive marriage herself. I thought she’d know better. Obviously not. Does the ‘abused’ become the ‘abuser?’ Maybe so.
And for someone who for the first four years of my life, was brought up by an abusive father, and was exposed to domestic violence, maybe that’s why I was drawn to her. Maybe I seeked out the abuse that my father had laid upon my mother. Does the ‘abused’ attract the ‘abuser?’ Maybe so.
Come to think of it, I now realise that the love she claimed she had for me, and the affection she showed me was really just a facade to suck me in, and to disguise the nasty woman she is deep down, and it took her a while for her true colours to show.
I’m glad that she showed them to me this early on, and not years later, because it could have put me in an even more vulnerable position. So, I got out lucky, really, and I’m grateful for that.
And she lost out on the best partner she’s ever had. She’ll realise that one day. I’m not going to be so arrogant as to suggest that I’m the only ‘special’ man she’ll ever meet, because I’m sure she’ll meet another one again one day. And he’ll go through the same thing, so I fear for his sake, really.
I didn’t do anything wrong, and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. It’s not my fault. I forgive myself, and I feel quite happy to have deleted everything I have to do with her now, and her number, and I have blocked her, and I certainly won’t take too kindly if she ever contacts me again.
In a world of Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein and Trump, let’s not forget that women can be nasty, too. Whilst I’m not suggesting that what I went through is anywhere near as bad as what Weinstein and Epstein put those poor women through – because it’s not, it could have been. And actually, there will be men out there who ARE going through that.
But they won’t speak about it, because they’re ashamed.
And that is why I am writing this post, today. Because I’m not ashamed. I’m an abuse victim from my early years, and more recently, and I’m not ashamed of myself, nor am I ashamed to talk about it, and I hope that other men going through this who are reading this can open up, too. It’ll be OK.
It’s time to move on.
submitted by MyFunny098 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 20:25 eXclusivetak Kate Hudson Wiki, Biography, Net Worth, Age, Partner, Husband, Kids, Movies, Awards, Cars, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter

Kate Hudson Wiki, Biography, Net Worth, Age, Partner, Husband, Kids, Movies, Awards, Cars, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter submitted by eXclusivetak to u/eXclusivetak [link] [comments]


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